In a parallel universe,
Beyond trillions of light years away,
Lies Alternate Earth,
Where reality is so very different from our own:
The people are violet, emerald and silver;
Trees, sky goblins and penguins,
Cause global heating;
Cats and dogs are livestock;
Siamese cows and poodle gnomes
are considered the cutest, furriest house pets;
Most musicians are militant celibates;
And politicians are highly regarded as:
Trustworthy and honest,
Altruistic and self-sacrificing,
Wonderful and civic-minded public servants.
The X-Factor contestants,
Perform live cover-versions of pop songs!
One of the show's judges - Nimo Scowell,
Is handsomely paid millions,
By the t.v channel,
For the privilege,
Of allowing the winners,
To make him even millions more,
Through his tie-in recording deals with them.
On top of that,
His former proteges - now nano-superstars,
Are invited back onto the show,
As special guests,
Their original neo-karaoke product-placement,
In super-glorious prime-time!
Guaranteeing even more cash tills ringing,
Like acute tinnitus,
For Nimo - the real X-Factor winner,
All this makes perfect sense,
On Alternate Earth,
And seems not to contravene,
Broadcasting, self-promotion and advertising rules there,
In any way!