Sunday, 13 December 2009

Welcome To The Transcendental Elephant


Welcome to The Transcendental Elephant,
So if I can just read your order back to you all,
Clockwise round the table :

Mushroom masala with saffron rice,
Cucumber raita,
Two lentil samosas with mint and coriander dip, yeah?

And you'd like:
Moong daal,
With the aubergine thing, number twenty-seven,
That's nice that - had some earlier,
And two naan.
Okay, thanks.

And you'd like:
Chips, peas, very English jam roly-poly,
And two poppodums? Is that right?
Uh yes,
The poppodums are good today sir,
Very fresh: straight from the fields,
..And?
And a mineral water.
No problem sir.

And madam?
You'd like to have the transcendental cosmic consciousness platter,
That's number fifty? Yeah,
Um..with a complete obliteration of self,
With Hindu yogic flying past life Ayurvedic regression therapy?
Anything else?
A pistachio kulfi,
And..
Twelve lagers.
No problem..
Sorry?
You think you may have been a yeti,
In your previous life?
Oh well done madam.
May I ask,
Would you like your lagers before or after you have obliterated your selfish ego?
What do I recommend?
To be honest,
I think,
If you think,
You may have been a yeti in your previous life,
You're half way there already,
But I have witnessed some of our more spiritual customers,
After they've had a few lagers,
Connect with the universe,
Sometimes very successfully.
So it's up to you really.

Okay then.

Well thank you all for your order,
It should be with you in no more than ten or so minutes,
So until then,
Please help yourselves to the complimentary Bombay mix,
And my psychic transference of good karma energy to you all,

And thank you again for visiting The Transcendental Elephant.