Welcome to The Garden Gnome Shopping Channel,
If this is your first time here -
Where have you been?
We mass produce uniquely,
Our gnome-lines are refreshed twice-weekly,
Each gnome has it's own i.d number,
So rest assured,
One can never be mistaken for another.
Mould-engineered by plastic injection craftsmen,
Then hand-finished by aerosol paint artisans,
Your garden gnome is guaranteed authentic -
Their bobble-hatted face won't drip,
And their shatter-proof head will nod happily on windy days.
We are the only licensed garden gnome sellers in the UK.
So what are you waiting for?
Rome wasn't built in a day,
But our gnomes are,
Meaning your gnome could be with you within thirty-six hours,
Or - if you require it urgently - within twenty-four,
And it will cost you only four pounds more,
Couriered directly from our air-conditioned warehouse in Bangalore.