Monday, 28 May 2012
A gorilla falls into a snow flake,
Have you eaten yet?
You must have - haven't we all?
But have you eaten today?
Would you like to eat again?
Please help yourself - and you can make something for me too;
It's your home, and I know I'm intruding -
I'm a burglar, so I hope you understand;
It's my job to..,
I wasn't expecting you.
God, you can't imagine how embarrassed I feel right now;
This has never happened to me before:
All the previous times I burgled your home you were never in!
Except for that one time
(which I won't mention),
When you were in bed with some guy who isn't your husband.
And I stole you fondue set,
(I still can't work out that damn thing;
I know it's for something sexual: it spins).
Ah, don't worry - about your husband- mum's the word,
I would never dream of violating your privacy
like some kind of perv;
I'm a Ninja burglar -
Or a Samurai of the 'burbs:
A magical disillusionist of these downwardly mobiling bergs..
Do you know that Uri Gellar can bend spoons -
With his bare fingers, I mean?
And he can bend forks too.
He must have magical forking fingers,
And magical forking opposable thumbs to boot.
I wonder if I will ever develop magical forking fingers.
Even just two would be nice.
Something left-field to mention on that first date:
"I've developed magical forking fingers - only two.
Would you like to see something melt and bend on the table,
Before your off-the-menu bespoke tofu dumplings arrive?".
I bet my earlobes catch fire for days after.
As the wind farms save the Earth for nimby's,
And the flow of turbines gently blow-dry their theories,
The wysteria hysterics wax and glower:
"We told you so.."
Their smugness will tongue-in-trouser,
And then, in the dead of night,
Twirl crop circles,
For gullible healers to dowse.
You like nuclear power,
But you like wind farms,
Let's power nuclear stations with windmills,
Or blast windmills with nuke power,
Or blow away nuclear waste with wind farms,
Or grow organic warheads with solar power,
Or explode nimby's with wind waste.
(I'm kidding about that last one,
That's just me being silly!).
Falling through drifting holes, then.
Falling through drifting holes,
The gorilla floats down snow flakes,
The snow flakes,
The sn ow f lake's..tessellate.
Tes se lla t e o'er a cumulus of
organic radioactive windmills.