Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Job Interview: I Loved It There So Much I Had To Leave

So tell us why you want to work here

I was impressed with your annual report, and attended one of your seminars.
I have no interest in learning tedious office IT packages, climbing the corporate ladder, improving my so-called work skill sets..

I mainly stare out windows and daydream. Your windows are very impressive, different colours..Some reflect and refract the light in interesting ways I bet..

Yes, when we commissioned this office to be built, one of our first requirements was to incorporate different shapes and colours. Windows are one of the most important things, yes? We also discourage corporate skills, they give us a bad reaction. That's good.

Now what do you bring in terms of experience?

I've been daydreaming for decades. In my last place I managed a team of daydreamers. They manage themselves now. In fact they are so committed to the cause they daydream for others. We actually secured the UK's largest daydream commission. It's time for me to move on, spread the word. I loved it there so much I had to leave. They want me to spread the word, evangelise daydreaming.

We know, really impressive. What other skills can you bring to us?

I astral project, bend space-time reality, stand around and stare into space, lie down, and occasionally walk around aimlessly listening to music..I'm exceptionally good at that.

That's lovely. The UK is so short now of people with such experience. What would you do to address this shortage?

Apprenticeships. Young people are especially wonderful at daydreaming. They should be encouraged to do it all day long. I'm amazed that at the moment there isn't even one app to help people do nothing but daydream. It's a worry.

We agree. We have a project in development, a quantum daydream app. 

And what is your greatest weakness?


Wonderful! It's ours too. We have a chocolate emporium on our roof. You can eat chocolate while gazing at the sky, watching the lunar waves ripple and wash over the twinkling lights of Aristarchus.

No kidding! I do that all the time; it's one of my hobbies.

Well, talking of hobbies, what other hobbies do you have that you can bring to the workplace table lying prone while staring at the stars?

Sometimes when I'm half-asleep I've been pointed to the strangest YouTube channels. They help me have lucid dreams. Captain Bill, Crrow777, Streetcap1, 1967Sander..

Captain Bill?

He's a Brazilian guy who channels Mythi, a benign extraterrestrial. It's fabulous.

Are you daydreaming now?

Are you daydreaming now?

Yes. It's a good world we both live in here.

Well, everything seems to be in order. Your references checked and..so welcome on board! 

Let's go to the chocolate emporium and chill. The sky awaits..