Monday, 7 September 2015

Papadum Sommelier Redux

Inside Indian bleeding edge vegetarian Restaurant Go! Transcendental Yeti Goddess
Attractive couple at table reading menu. Intimate, chilled, sophisticated vibe, subdued lighting and candlelight. Indian ambient jazz music gently waft over everyone..

Elegantly dressed man walks up to a couple's table. This is Shashi, Papadum Sommelier extraordinaire..

Shashi: Good evening, my name is Shashi, your papadum sommelier for this evening. Would you like to order?

Man: Oh yes, thank you. We're impressed with your extensive papadum list I have to say. I haven't even tried most of these.

Shashi: Sir, thank you. I can confidently argue that our papadum list is the finest in Shoreditch. All our papadums are hand-made, especially flown in from India and Nepal especially for our London Shoreditch clients.

Woman: Do you have a papadum special?

Shashi: We do. Today's papadum is "Mumbai Platinum". I'll fetch one for you if you would like a tasting..

Woman: Oh that would be lovely.

Shashi leaves to collect a "Mumbai Platinum" papadum.

Woman: gorgeous restaurant darling.

Man: Thank you. It comes highly recommended. If you haven't eaten a papadum here, they say, you haven't eaten a papadum Shoreditch.

Woman: Oh darling, you think of everything.

Shashi returns pushing a tray table on wheels. On top of the tray is a covered dish. Shashi puts on some white gloves and carefully pulls back the dish cover, and voila! we see the Mumbai Platinum papadum sparkling on its silver plate. Shashi then very carefully picks up the Mumbai Platinum papadum, and holds it before the couple, showing one side of the papadum, then the other..

Man: That's lovely.

Woman: It's very pretty isn't it?

Shashi: The Mumbai Platinum is a light papadum, indeed so light its calories are in minus figures. You practically lose weight eating these. By the end of this evening you'll be floating.

Couple laugh.

Shashi: The top notes of Mumbai..are distilled fenugreek over atomised saffron bay leaf, with a dimpled cumin aftertaste, very very for the palate. The middle notes reflect its linear counterpoint - simply, pink cardamom with a sheer coral turmeric powdering. The flip side of the Mumbai Platinum lies puffed parcel occlusion centering liminal cucumber peppercorns at her base. One whole organic peppercorn utilised per papadum... All our papadums are organically grown and fair trade..

Man: That's good to hear..Yes I'd like a tasting. And darling?

Woman: Yes, let's try.

Shashi takes the papadum lists from the couple, handing it to another staff member. Shashi then places the Mumbai Platinum papadum very delicately back on its dish, then places the dish with the same care onto their table. He then pulls from his pocket an ornate and very small golden hammer. Shashi holds the hammer a few centimetres above the papadum and closes his eyes, seemingly in intense meditative concentration. The hammer hits the Mumbai Platinum papadum, and the papadum cracks. The couple applaud, indeed the whole restaurant politely applaud. Shashi shyly acknowledges, then takes a sliver of papadum and puts one each on the couple's plates.
Shashi then offers them a strange-looking small spoon.

Shashi: Madam, sir, here are your papadum scoop spoons.

With the spoon the couple take the sliver from the plate, smiling, delighted. The couple eat their sample. Both look ecstatic as the flavours and tastes roll around their tongue.

Man: This is just delightful. We'll have one!

Woman: Darling, let's have two!

Man: Why not. Let's go crazy! Yes, we'll have two papadums!

Shashi: Great choice sir, madam!