Thursday, 24 September 2009

Poems That Don't Rhyme


I read somewhere,
Poems that don't rhyme,

Are taken very seriously,
So now I know why,
My attempts at humourous poetry,
Always fail to raise a smile.

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She Has Such A Wonderful Facility For Words (Thesaurus Rex)

She has such a wonderful facility for words,
With a sauna, gym, cafe,
and revolving Japanese roof garden,
Complete with a haiku maze!
She has the most magical facility for words,
This side of town,
Pity my facility's such a pedestrian
two-up-two-down.

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Celebrities In Need Appeal

Celebrities In Need,
Is a charity,
That aims to raise,
Awareness in the non-celebrity communities,
About the wonderful charity work,
That celebrities do,
On their deeply deprived civilian behalf.

Out of every pound raised,
For,
Celebrities In Need,
Ninety-one pence,
Will go directly to front line celebrities,
Their managers, and agents,
And P.R.,
On the ground,

Guaranteed.

Remember,
Celebrities need your love all year round,
Not just at Christmas.
Think about it:
All year round.

Let's allow them to let you let them help you,
And it's so easy too:
All you need do is set up a direct debit,
By going to:
www.celebritiesinneedappeal.com/gak
and they will do the rest.

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Loyalty Card

You wont believe this,
But I've just added,
One hundred and seventy points,
To my personal club card total,
No lie!
Which means that if I collect just another
thirteen thousand and nineteen,
More loyalty points,
I will get a forty percent discount,
On all the supermarket's "World Of Wonder Gourmet Range" products,
On special offer,
Up to the value of eleven pounds,
As long as my loyalty points are redeemed,
Within six months, four days, and three hours from now,
This very minute,
Exactly.

I know what you're thinking:
You're thinking, it wont be easy.
I know!
But I suppose,
It would spoil the fun if it was too easy.
So if I stay motivated and target oriented,
and positively mercenary,
I'm incredibly optimistic,
It is within me,
To achieve this.

And,
At this point,
Allow me to say this to you:
If I can do this,
I'm sure you can too!
You can!
So best of luck to you.

And,
As well,
Please ignore those strange people,
That claim loyalty cards,
Are a so-called complete brain washing, marketing scam,
Who are they anyway?
I'll tell you who they are:
They are the same cynics,
Who would have you believe,
Princess Diana,
Was killed by her drunk driver,
In a blameless drink/drugs driving accident!
No conspiracy!
Oh really?
How negative is that?
My friend calls such kinds,
Unrevolved.
I don't hate them for that:
Being unrevolved.
(That's a great description isn't it?),
Actually,
I just feel slightly sorry for them,
That's all.
Difficult childhood probably.
We shouldn't judge them too harshly then.
It could have been us.

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