Airbag Man

I'm delighted to inform you,

Your great grandchild,

Will be,

Airbag Man!

The Airbag Man!

Aren't you proud?

Back In The Day

I remember,

Remember way back in the day,

We never used to say,

"Back in the day",

Back in the day.

Big Society Anthem

Big Society,

Big Custard,

Big Data,

Big Message,

Big Garden Gnomes,

Big Goldfish.

I really think we can do it,

I believe and hope we really can.

We've done it before!

Big Society,

Big Hard-Working Families,

Big Complex Carbohydrates,

Big Eyelashes,

Big Penance,

Big Crayons.

Big Words,

Big Astrologicals,

Big Solutions,

Big Tents,

Big Reality,

Big Dialogue.

So,

Here we go again,

One more time now,

One more time.

Hope you're joining in at the back,

I can see your smiles from here!

Good,

So here we go,

One last time now,

And,

Big Society,

Big Muslims,

Big Plant Pots,

Big Organic Goats,

Big Car-Share,

Big Sandwiches.

(I mean really big!)

Ha! Ha!

I knew you'd like that last one;

Those really big sandwiches..

Thank you so..

And,

You can sit down now,

You can sit down again,

No you really can sit down,

I'm not even joking.

Thank you.

Passing Commuter

Why was she staring at me,

With that look,

With that look of wistful wonder in her eyes?

As her train pulled away I realised,

She was dreaming deeply in her reflection.

But..

She's deleted her profile;

Her whole profile - completely,

Period.

I mean like totally.

So, you know,

We did the usual;

Tried to stop her:

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

She kept clicking Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

You could almost feel the exclamation mark on your face!

So after three attempts,

We let it go,

We let her go.

Her. It. Whatever.

She's completely deleted her account with us.

But,

Tadaa!

We haven't.

No, like that would happen!

We'll do the usual:

E-mail her every now and again:

Hey we're still here bitch!

You know, just to show her who's boss:

We're still fuckin' here! Hellooo!

I mean seriously,

Who the hell do these people think they are?

Like that ancient song goes:

"You can check out,

But.."

Desert Storm Dawn

Twenty-somethings are going to bingo,
While sixty-somethings are making "real porn",
Such is the magical opening of the twenty-first-century:
The dawn of the ass-backwards unicorn.

Spoiler Alert *

* This poem contains a spoiler alert,
So if you don't want to know what happens in the rest of this poem,
Please look away now.

When this poem is finished I will let you know.

Five, four, three, two, one.

This poem is now finished.

Thank you for reading.

The New Totally Revolutionary Broccoli and Cement Plan

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The Broccoli and Cement Plan