Saturday 20 November 2010

Crystal Orchards Scintillescent


The fire.
The fire decants hands warmer bluer.

The chiller-sky Thor ice-picks Wind Tunnel Alley raw;
Bolder flames entwine like heat-seeking lovers enfolding dispersing warmth.

A man of parchment and drip-dry tears and fingerless gloves stokes the fire;
The dowsing expires anaemic tangerine sparkler-arc streamer rosaries.

The night bowls howling ghost-wail-ricocheting sheet-steel whiplash;
Subterranean deep-freeze phantoms slice their life-likes on the run.

The almost people huddle dejected: paparazzi penguin waiters;
Winter fuel allowance: no tipping.

Frosted glass mirrored streets reflect flip-side-down illuminated orchards.
Grass crystal slivers underfoot shatter distant firework crackers.

The moon glimmers opaque iridescence;
The lunar ice-rink winks on her absolution scintillescent.

Soap-dish marbled streets delicate neon aura splashes;
Neapolitan car lights swarm, fan-out, fade, dissolve.

Dimpled mannequins slide out department stores;
Smeared perfumes vapour-trail heady-scented passionista moles.


Snake-charm takeaway-fumes chimney out expelling doorways.

Coriander, mint and charcoal insinuate meer cats' drunken garble-swirls.

Mister Shimmering Smog choo-choo's his Mini-Moog,
While snug-togged commuters, like spies, murmur incantatory mobile-Babel music.

Ding-a-ling.



Friday 19 November 2010

Injure-a-lawyer4u


Would you like to injure,
An ambulance-chasing,
Litigation-whore lawyer?


Then give us a call.
We,
At,
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For nearly ten years now -
That's all we do.


So,
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It won't be your fault.
We understand.
Our trained specialists will pay the lawyer
who has upset you a visit.
Simple. Quick.
Injury guaranteed.

No win. No teeth.
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So.
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Three-six-five.
We even injure lawyers on Christmas Day!

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Injure-a-lawyer4u.

Wednesday 17 November 2010


I can mime three songs at the same time.

This Be The Worst


They fucked you up, the baby boomers.
They didn't mean to, but they did.
But in turn,
We will really fuck-up their grand-kids.

This Sort Of Thing


The human brain:
A giant supercomputer -
100 billion nerve cells -
The same as the number of stars in our galaxy -
Each nerve cell a computer itself,
Connected with thousands of others.

What an astonishing miracle of nature,
What an astounding accident of creation.

So,
Can you show me how to open
this child-proof plastic vac-pack?
Ha! ha!
My astonishing miracle of nature,
Does not compute,
This sort of thing.




Monday 15 November 2010

That Stings, Mused The Wasp


There's nothing so efficient,
As built-in obsolescence.

Saturday 13 November 2010

National Institution


I have never watched the Gran National
So cruel and irrational
How spectators are able to derive pleasure
And cheer
As those poor bewildered creatures, whipped into fear
Die leaping those unforgiving, terrible and cruel fences
How jockeys live with themselves I've no idea
I mean, you wouldn't even treat a horse like that:

Animals




Thursday 11 November 2010

Mexican Wave



"How many farmers are exploited for our frappuccino?
How many girls forced to forge those trainers?
How many die by arms bought from blood diamonds?
How many children are drowning in our red tides?
There's still so much exploitation everywhere!:

We don't see the cause and effect,
I call it Consumer Disconnect.."

A solemn silence settled,
As all the media
twattery around the glass table nodded.

With that -
Pleased with his peroration,
The hack,

Chopped,
Then vacuumed,
A couple of lines.



Saturday 6 November 2010

New Interesting Times


The old uncertainties -

Swept away!
They're laughing now:
They slyly step back,
And salute,
The new ones raging through.

Brace yourselves,
For perfect storms -
For tidal waves.

Wednesday 3 November 2010

The One That Got Away

w
w
a
a
a
I

Mermaids Wipe The Rain


In a nutshell
A hole-in-one
At the end of the day
The moon is the sun,
Squaring the circle
A smiling cat with the cream
For the dead
Sleep like fish
Counting sheep in your dream.

A bah-Humbug! Christmas carol
Unkiss your prince to a frog
Break out the pizza mints
Split your hair of the dog,
Bring back hanging
Keep our suits neat and tidy
An American princess for the President
That will do nicely.

We must cut our cloth in inverse proportion
To the bankers' fat arses,
And we must cut our cloth in inverse proportion
To the bankers' fat arses.
So,
Where are the gods tearing asunder
The Temples of Mammon? -
Selling toilet rolls to mermaids
To help them wipe the rain.


Which came first:
The bishop or the actress
The sacrament or sacrilege
The chicken or salmonella
Climate change or weird weather?
If the big-bang exploded
And tore open neo-natal space
Would a radio telescope catch the sound off God's face?
If the messiah had owned a washing machine
Would Da Vinci have faked the Turin Shroud?

For every line a nasal cloud
Successful slimmer a mirror cowed.

So,
Where are the gods tearing asunder
The Temples of Mammon? -
Selling toilet rolls to mermaids
To help them wipe the rain.