Homage To Holes

 

i collect mp3 hole rarities
and i also collect rare mp3 holes
mp3 holes are my favourite though
collecting mp3 holes being all the rage right now
and for some reason this fact really upsets me
collecting such holes is no longer considered niche
neither is it niche to collect niche hole collectors..

i was once collected by a niche hole collector collector
she knew that i am the number one collector of post-rock holes
but i was sprung from captivity
by a crack team of mystic guitar-playing hobbits
they play guitar with violin bows via echo chambers
the only way guitars should be played imho
especially by serious guitar-hobbyist hobbits..

as a side note
i sometimes play my post-rock holes with my tennis racket
this i plug into my fridge
pretend it is a marshall amplifier..

trust me
i cannot even express with proper poetic words
the amazing sounds received playing a fridge with a violin bow
on a tennis racket through post-rock holes..

i love collecting cd holes too..
i started collecting cd holes when i was a university student
and now i buy cd holes from vendors on the light web
bought mainly with bitcoin for hard fiat
hard fiats are great decoy vehicles..

especially following the government crackdown on holes
cd hole dealers and buyers always use hard fiat
because cd holes can easily bounce off soft-roofed fiats
and you try and locate a lost cd hole in the street
trust me it is more than difficult
this is why cd holes are surgically stashed
stashed inside vacuum-reinforced glove compartments..

be careful though..
i have been burned a few times myself
granted some cd holes look genuine enough
but they are actually fake
so many people are unable to tell the difference
as so many lack critical hole expertise and discernment..

gentle reader
let me underline this for you
this is so important
just because a cd is real
does not mean its hole is
and conversely
just because an mp3 is fake
does not mean you are real..

i recall one time when a fake mp3 hole
told me i am not real
i just laughed in its non-existent face
i never heard from myself ever again..

and unlike in the hollywood films
prospective mp3 hole buyers
cannot test the purity by a simple lick of a mirror
and why would you use an mp3 hole to test a mirror
a fake mirror could easily contaminate a genuine hole
seems like common sense to me
how about you..

also..
you cannot test whether a cd hole is real
by consulting a genuine mp3 hole
as the two holes are dimensionally different from one another..

it would be like testing if hard fiat airbags are real
by crashing your fiat into your bitcoin blockchain hard wallet
i hope this makes sense only should it not..

as for vinyl holes..
the rub and scent of vinyl holes makes me sneeze
an unfortunate side effect of hay fever
and sneezing on a vinyl hole can cause it to warp and fray
and you could accidentally fall through it
and crash into another universe
and no airbag will help you with that
and not even an airbag of a really mean and street-tough fiat
so for me collecting vinyl holes is a little extreme
although i admire vinyl hole collectors immensely
a stalwart breed..

they love being spun spinning round holes
no hard holds barred holes
enamoured hammered with the music of holes
their homage to holes is truly wholesome..

and to be fair
gate-fold double vinyl holes
will never lose their value
one of my friends lovingly stores her prog metal vinyl holes
in the freezer
and when she thaws out the holes for picnics
she has to be careful not to cut her dainty fingers..

frozen vinyl holes can develop quantum stalactite/ stalagmite edges
one sniff or rub of such a hole
and you might fall into a complex concept album cave network
complete with jazz odyssey canyons
where subterranean monks chant epic fantasy lyrics
not that there is anything wrong with any of that
in fact an avid anti-matter spelunker neighbour
sold me a fabulous bootleg box set of it
ten full holes complete with undersea river air covers..

Invisible Portals So Fixedly We Gaze

 
choo choo and choo..

on london trains..
never must we eye
other sets of seated/ standing eyes..

your eyes on my eyes on your eyes..
on any london train..

in fact
syncing eyes with almost any fellow commuter
is the worst thing anyone could possibly do
it might be construed deeply intrusive
an astonishing invasion of personal space
so even the gentlest graze of a glance
might slam open the directed face
rating a serious violation..
choo choo and torrid choo..

i wonder..
should we all go cross-eyed
make intimate visual contact only with ourselves
would that be a workable compromise
a considerate corrective
the cross-eyed collective as self-transfixed mystics..

dead air conditioner
hums its cool dust-powdered onyx rays
woooahoooh..ooooowh..eeeerrrrhh..
walk-through capsules for swaying sentinels
undertow-trundle the serpentine..

and a few mouths..
eagerly seem to respond to ear-talking-hands
glowing auditory pareidolia
other mouths vape battered chicken wings
revolving machine teeth munch guillotined
chemical vat-flesh fried wet
seed oil slick soggy-crisp
yummy..

imagine this..
if we all sat on the roof of the train
especially during spring or summer days
might we allow ourselves eye contact
just before we all get electrocuted..

though risk averse
we could let our guard down just this one time
warmly smile at one another
for collective impending death
though in some ways bad
could be utilised as a fantastic icebreaker..

i might say to you
ah..it looks like we are all about to get frazzled..
and you might nod with a friendly smile and reply
..well it is a lovely day for it..
we might even momentarily
connect with wrinkled eyes
the sweetest hello goodbye
and in the field of human nature
our faith will be somewhat restored
poignantly oscillating between two points alighting..

 

Zugzwang Glow-Up

 

 

tinder

/tĭn′dər/

noun

1. 1. Something very inflammable, used for kindling fire from a spark, as scorched linen.
2. 2. Same as Amadou.
3. 3. a box in which tinder is kept.

From the GNU version of the Collaborative International Dictionary of English.

as the swipe sweeps out the swept by
still swept away the swept swipe
                                        on the nigh
                                   ..bye..bye..buh bye..

faces lose bodies/ bodies indenture faces
proximate
rejected personas severed energise semi sentient
clenched vibrations rebound replicate
inbound outbound inbound and slather..
                                   
                                                 round round round round i get around..

desire-egregores dense matter
envy/ jealousy/ admiration/ affirmation
all the thought-forms
ancient as succubae on the dancefloor..

tooth extraction..
upload a revised again photo album
location location location..
this time with more me-synergy and ad poster-allure 
all the poses monsoon-teem the syrup
the dawn flooded dawn..

the fastslowfast blink rate
blinkblink.......blink......blink..blink..
phantom dilettantes curate detainees their dietary fluster-munchies
     aaw...
    wha..
           nah..nah..nah..
         ahhh...
      hmm... yeah..ooh yeah..
                                     
                                    so i might as well..
                              as no one else wants me..
                           so what is going on with them..
                      why is this person interested..in me..
                                           ..in me..
                            i must be a standby option
                              yeah..must be..i mean..

boudoir-mine thousands
sweet thousands..
swipe right
wait for a reply
wait..
check again
wait
check again..
wait............wait......

                                             so sing a lullaby to the guest pillow
                                             remain half awake...
                                             await somnambulate magic to creep in and beckon..

and with that cortisol rush by moonlight prowl..
raccoons zebras wolves
meerkats piranhas peacocks
pigs-for-truffles parrots squid 
cryptid-butterflies dogmen sirens..
                     the distant howls/ all the glittery trashy rituals..

the human and the human
strange suitors strange
thousands
thousands..
fishers..
wishers..
dreamers..
assassins..

despite it all
all the incomplete halves hopeful to metamorphose whole..

bedpost hammerhead sharks perfumed
one more time with slightly less feeling
streamed bodies and steamy minds agitated caffeinated
men and women plus occasional substances conjugate
hard press the nonchalance
blizzard-fingers g-spot the shot-shot screen
fair exchange..

and then..
ace the zugzwang glow-up
plenty train hard in the gym..
                                             for this..
for this..
the muscularity of tick-tick-tick conjuration..
                     look a rabbit
      a rabbit throws a party hat into the ring
littered with cellophane flowers/ day-after pills/ rashes
                put a boxing ring under it..

seducers boomerang
memory-hole the exes
unalive/ exit dopamine exciter
flat-line
revive nervy thrill seeker
exit time for a next time
addict i sympathise..

skinner box-to-box
flesh-on-air shadow box
the spying the mocking the ghosting
the face-to-face talk to the hand
the outside world as its pedestrian walk-in likeness
the roaming marauders groan for moans
.......but what else..

polo neck sweaters repatriate
their glum unshod tadpoles with flooded motors
tidied away stuck 
and why so bitter..

refresh the real self
time out
speed out the colosseum
swerve away from the attritive consensus..

                                        you could cultivate the real you
                                            why not be kind to yourself
                                                  it might not kill you..

young adults
and not so young numb-at-heart adults
spin spin spin
on the grinding roulette wheel click..clicking..
click blushing mantid..

and of course there are also real winners
the alphas
rinsing and repeating repeatedly
the betas to zetas..
this dating market classes the cohorts thus
the kindly lingua franca of the love apps blood sport..

same octave
different registers
attune or magnetise
same or different objectives
self-project the no-effort
do not respond to the dee-emms too soon
affect studied disinterest
but be the real adult in the room on work-zoom..

dating platforms simulcast selves of self
with maracas
sell sell sell
the images crystallise diaphanous murk 
the bafflement and...yearning
the yearning is real enough
the hurt the confusion
buyers rejected
the recapitulation recalibrates
so comely the coldness..

                                                                            adults forbidden from forming
                                                                  meaningful relationships in the workplace
                                                    the wide-closed safe spaces of gargling glades and axes..

to the dating apps..
occasional success
pull the lever again
again
again
the platform owners
monetise you every which way
so your match-making facilitators are all doing okay
be grateful..

when to reveal the real self
the show and tell
bang
boomerang zugzwang
the saucy splatter
the actuality
beautified with ai tap-taps
crumbles and shatters..

kamikaze positivity
the stud-max pose postulated au naturel
the lighting
the framing
the beautifying
the simulacra of the self
though the picture can lie to self-portraits
the first in-the-flesh mate-check might checkmate..

the romanticists still dream dreams
of that elusive loving dream partner
where are you
you are out there
are. you. out. there teddy bear..

millions of faces pose
glacial smiles flash frozen
caramelised carnal lush wastelands
dating influencers all-star vampires
gurning for the erotic grift
the influencers are the judges..

become their patron
only every one of them
are the true custodians of..
insider successful dating secrets
the secrets you will never hear from anyone else..

              here i am
             holding the regulation requisite puppy     
             here i am
             with my group of friends
             here here and here..
            look look look how social i am..
            i am a strong man tender
            not a sociopath..

                                                            i am a woman
                                                            i have a million things going on
                                                           a man i do not need..none..
                                                           do you like me
                                                           oh
                                                           and do you like me
                                                                      really
                                                                  i hate men
                                                           would you like to date me
                                                           you might get lucky
                                                        and...please do not bore me                                                           

                                               look at me/ no swiping me away
                                                                    please
                                                                   please
                                                             i get to decide
                                               i must always have the last word..

                 so thankfully
            i really do not need to do this 
            actually i have so many options
            so hit me up quickly
            or you might miss out..

tree-hugging rage bate
might soon enter the chat..

men
this seduction technique might work better
photo yourself
sledgehammering a seal
while smoking a cigar
you..not the seal
wear a cowboy hat as you smash it
that might work better than showboating
i like kittens/ trees/ puppies
i have photogenic friends
all while cliche-riding your feminine side
like that is likely to appeal to horny feminists..

misandrists to the left
misogynists to the right
romantics pulled apart
crusades
hellfire
try harder
cope harder..
burnout..

                                                       fallow fields of battery farm heart emojis
                                                           so picturesque neath the setting sun..
                                                            
             but hey
            i thought we had the beginnings of a tangible relationship
            i see you have deleted me entirely
             entirely from your timeline..

                                                                                    wow
                                                                                   you are entitled..
                                                                                   purged mister ..

so ladies and gentlemen
will you hug another tree  *
kidnap another random puppy
with lots and lots of admiring friends in shot..
and..
as you tenderly strangle that domesticated fluffy
while with your other hand
hold a crossbow tenderly over your crotch
market your meat-persona
excel bed-sheet strategies and tactics
and chart on an exes-why axis
for rampant acephalous legless decades
self-deleting timelines where invisible dots mark beyond dead dalliances..


* please note, this poet fully support tree-hugging!

Your Secret Admirer

 

hey
good evening
may i introduce myself
i am your secret admirer
my amorous armour present
and by your sublime impression
i am indelibly disarmed sheer
attired wide-eyed i remain
delightedly inchoate
what silent fortune
stoic as a lightening-struck pylon
with the equilibrium of a stoned submariner walking a
   t
     i
   g
  h
    t
   ro
   p
    e..
       and all while balancing himself with a pendulum
          cradled on down-turned palms
               and it works for me..

so why am i your secret admirer
in essence
your irreducible essence
vivid serene
your ascended presence
your numinous nowness
as graceful as the ever-flowing stream..

and although i usually mistrust the mystical
as nothing but lyricists fanciful
        frothing fantastical..
           and yet..
like an oh so subtle
so subtle field of light
your aura rare vibrates
and i am brushed
palpably brushed
pleasantly shocked..

this usually humdrum nitrogen-mix
now bumbles alchemical ripples
projects your softest skin scent
imagined on me painterly
de nuit da da
the afterglow strangely bathes me
with a certain ineluctable-afar..

pleasantly shocked
and shocked pleasantly to boot
to smithereens shook
delightfully discombobulated
mysteriously slam-dunked
you defibrillated my subtle centres higher
so i became your secret admirer
an advanced yogi of the unrequited
a shaman wildly dancing
wildly dancing at the banquet
the cocooned banquet
celebrating the reachable unattainable one..

amour de limerence has me in bits
pummelled
by the unforgiving steely fists of cupid
and as i man this in-between station
and as you have no doubt by now deduced
i am not prone to exaggeration
not even one bit..

a scarecrow pressing your field of flowers
i even wear sensible trousers
especially for court appearances/
severe job interviews
otherwise known as dates
i serenade the blue moon
clutching my holstered lasso
see how effortlessly i catch my coat
as the fatefully wooed wins her internal debate
and takes an emptive strike-out
otherwise known as..
another get-a-clue bathroom break..

the distance
your most mysterious touch
distance..
wrung rag-empowered
i remain your secret admirer
so from this pristine vantage point
the basement balcony glory of this crystal tower
i gaze at a reified panorama
 a gloam-lucent verge as diorama.

and in all the ways
in only all the ways i will ever imagine
i will never let you down
and should i glimpse through my glimmering..
..i melt a burning freezer full of fire extinguishers
as my yearning ambulance chases itself
ever-decreasing circles ambushed
marginalising further
the mangling mixed metaphor lounge lizard i have become..

gazing at my votive three-day shadow mirror
the ghost-in-smoke enquirer
my unuttered breath so dulcetly delivered
do you perchance hear your astral whisperer
     whisper..
         hey
    good evening
       may i introduce myself
   i am your secret admirer..

i bet you can almost hear me..