Monday 27 April 2015

Poppadum Sommelier


May I introduce you to today's House Special Nominated Poppadom: Lumbini Nightingale.

The pronounced narrative notes of this boutique poppadom are deceptively languid and delightfully off-centre:
The top notes:
A flourish of cardamom, the organic sage sparkles cheeky eyelash dreamy saplings of jovial erotic saffron,
Glowing her golden epidermis shyly, enticingly..

Elusive zephyrs of Tibetan sage,
Slivers in landscaped peppermint oblongs blush her meandering subterranean canyons a bronzed cream.

Counterposing an arresting dandy of succulents, deftly alongside a parallel astronomy deckchair of fenugreek, Mumbai lemongrass..
Are a transcendental sprig of atomised turmeric,
Even more cheeky and vicarious,
which co-mingles entirely her crispy sandy sentient oceans mermaid..

Mentoring the top notes -
A burnished olive's fluorescing knob marine hosannas melting play jazz butter quavers sobbing the Vedic grass petals a love-in melody of subdued coriander.

So moving along the light-range of medium note-trigger-descriptors locking down this poppadom..
Going from middle-range to top then reverse to minimals, as that's easier:
A Daphne of ginger, 

Two iambs of Himalayan powdered yeti berry - the blessing Buddha's tincture liminal,
And dimpled to marvel..

A flamingo's flamenco of nutmeg tornadoes spruce glimmering lanterns a moon-night-lit dream;
The sandalwood scented rosewater sprinkling brazenly piggy backs iridescent like a giggling dancing temple girl -
Erotic yet timorous, fully tipped escarpments, secluded, forbidden, almost verboten,
rubs moistened olive butter-fingers along her edges..
Example, see here and here..

For me,
The almost baroque basenote architecture of this poppadom incarnation is where the real surprise of this truly blissful installation excoriates the tongue-lashing to orgas mesmerically:
Toasted sesame bugle-slivers imprint a miasma masala engineering;
A llama scrutiny silhouettes perpendicularising the strobes paprika, lime, and clove.
Tresses-dimini slips headlong inside the mezzanine.

Moving onto her nervous system's textual descriptors shimmering this boutique-level executive poppadom -
Observe the ambient hounds-tooth stitching - ships along the borderline - contrasting a yoghurt culture with a peachening shell filigree of coral cinnamon..
And if I may cheekily interrupt myself, this tickles my pickle every single time.

The heartland of this poppadom jamboree, geographically at least, habituates the middle shaman chakra bilinguals:
Lightly sunset tones, minute jade speckles, dappled peppercorns atomise the spirals-in-spirals
bohemian racy radish hymn to itself.

The flipside, ditto with minimal counterpoint-occasions,
Shifted by a light frosting of roasted almond submarine-dapples dazzling this fierce panda of a poppadom concerto's mangrove, Fernando.

I heartily recommend this poppadom for fifty pence sterling, fully inclusive of VAT and service charge.


*Poppadum can also be spelt papadum or pappadum!

Sunday 5 April 2015

One Day I Ate A Vegetarian Prawn


One day I ate a vegetarian prawn
I know it was vegetarian
Because all prawns are vegetarian
In fact they are all so vegetarian
They don't even eat vegetables
And you can't get much more vegetarian than that
For a prawn

One day I ate a vegetarian prawn
I think it was a Tuesday
Although I don't recall which Tuesday it was
No wait
I do
It was the very Tuesday
The very Tuesday that I ate a vegetarian prawn

One day I ate a vegetarian prawn
It was quite warm
But not as warm as the prawn
I'm a Sagittarian
And this vegetarian prawn had never eaten a vegetarian
So I asked myself why did it call itself a vegetarian prawn

One day I ate a vegetarian prawn
Thankfully it didn't taste of vegetarians
Unless vegetarians taste of prawns
Vegetarian prawns

One day I ate a vegetarian prawn
But on another day I didn't
I do not know what this proves
No wait
I do
It proves that one day I ate a vegetarian prawn
But on the other day..
Oh this is getting so complicated

One day I ate a vegetarian prawn
While doing yoga
I never knew vegetarian prawns could do yoga
I said to the prawn
I never knew vegetarian prawns could do yoga
Neither did I she said
I'm a vegan prawn
I only eat carnivores
They don't taste of vegetarians
Prawn vegetarian prawns