Wednesday 29 June 2011

Explicit Parental Advisory


This Parental Advisory with capital P and capital A,
Is To Warn,
That this poem is a fucking, cunting, explicit,
One.
And if you're a parent,
And if you're under eighteen,
Then, well, it's too late for you.

And what did you do?

Well it's still not too late to
Sign Up:
Those philistines you're nearly.
Just fight it.

This is a factotum parental advisory.
In fact,
This is the world's first fucking explicit parental advisory;
Please be warned then,
That this fucking poem has fucking swear words in -
Lots of them,
And when you're least fuckin' expecting it.
Cunting.

You may have fucked up your own life by now,
Please don't say you haven't:
You're reading this.

Don't let your kids read poetry,
Especially jejune, fucked-up verse.
Ban this explicit, cunting, fucking exploding cock
of a so-called fucking poem.
Maybe if your parents..
Ah,
You wouldn't have ventured and supped from this crayon,
And from this filthy poison-ink well.

All your dreams gone and going, going,
Everything you once hated now lactating life
longing long-life,
Skimmed,
Semi-conscious asses milk,
Fortified with thorns, and,
A halo of flies around a princess,
Two for the price of
None.
There's nothing to see here, please move on.
Bargain.

Just can't make it can you?

Think the poet clever?
Rhyming purple with, uh, dark purple? Oh yeah, oh yeah!
Doesn't rhyme, Pine:
Cheating.

Free verse poetry is lazy and absurd,
(You get the point?),
For,
You cannot make oysters from custard pearls,
That stream of consciousness,
Is steam-puddles for girls.
Like a Buddhist on a pogo stick without a carrot for a light bulb:
Birds sing from twigs,
But bricks don't shit.
Think about it mister man,
Think about it.

Everything gravitational,
You cannot eat a scientist from a periodic table,
(Unless it's Mayan).
And a scientist fell from an apple tree.
So
I
Won't
Go
On.

And this was the world's first cunting explicit parental advisory,
And for a fucking poem!

This explicit parental advisory was bought on your behalf by:
Cluster bombs on lead guitar,
Another Politician With Vision on your bass case,
A Daily Express seer on triangle,
The four pony-fuckers of the new and improved apocalypse
on the do-ron-ron Nero fiddling calypso,
Concerned Mothers For Assault Weapons And Against Bad Poets
That Swear For No Fucking Reason I Can See
on bazooka,
Fundamentalists and celebrity fundamentalist atheists
on each other,
America Junior
on God Knows What(TM),
Distraught conspiracy theorists
on silenced silencer tamborines,
Sell-out musicians
on advertising trampolines,
And last-but-by-no-means-least,
The Conived Consensus Jazz Ensemble
on
Banging
Whose
Drum?

And,
Most deceased poets,
Especially those liberal-elite dead French ones,
Who gilded their lily livers in the Euro Trash Salons of Syphilis...
Where are they now?
Their faces eaten off..
So what does that tell ya?
What does it fuckin' tell ya, soldier?
What does it fuckin' tell ya?

So,
Whose your daddy?
Whose the superman?
Whose the fuckin' unicorn?



Saturday 25 June 2011

Music/Love


If music be the food of love -
I'm a tone-deaf blancmange.


Thursday 23 June 2011

Welcome To The Garden Gnome Shopping Channel


Welcome to The Garden Gnome Shopping Channel,
And,
If this is your first time here -
Why?
Where have you been?

We mass produce uniquely,
Our gnome-lines are refreshed twice-weekly,
Each gnome has its own i.d number,
So rest assured,
One can never be mistaken for another.

Mould-engineered by plastic injection craftsmen,
Then hand-finished by aerosol paint artisans,
Your garden gnome is guaranteed authentic -
Their bobble-hatted face won't drip,
And their shatter-proof head will nod happily on windy days.

We are the only licensed garden gnome sellers in the UK.
So what are you waiting for?

Rome wasn't built in a day,
But our gnomes are,
Meaning your gnome could be with you within thirty-six hours,
Or - if you require it urgently - within twenty-four,
And it will cost you only four pounds more,
Couriered directly from our air-conditioned warehouse in Bangalore.

Saturday 18 June 2011

Those..


I know you'll agree with me:
They make me livid:
Coming over here and taking our council flats and towels.
I bet in their country they can't do..that.
They probably don't even have towels over there,
Unless it's on their fuckin' heads..

And another thing:
It's political correctness gone mad.
It's political correctness gone mad.

I'm not allowed to say I wish they were dead,
Or that if my girlfriend slept with one of them
I'd kick them in the head.
Oh no, I can't say that now,
'cos that makes me a racist misogynist
(whatever they are),
It's like I'm a stranger in my own country.

They come over here,
Nicking our jobs,
Signing on the dole,
Sleeping with our bitches.
Those..
..don't even know
how to treat our women..
It's,
Political correctness gone mad.
It's political correctness gone mad.
You couldn't make it up..

That's twenty pounds please.

Here's nineteen-ninety-nine.
keep the change..


Monday 13 June 2011

The Honeyed Abyss, The Night Torn


Palms brush-stroke impressions,
Moonbeams stoke, seep and melt,
Sliding skin diffusing,
Divining;
Gazelle liquid eyes shimmer fathomless,
Bewitching;
Hair, charcoal dew - yarn-spun,
Frames the night,
Sealing silken whispers electric,
Comingling: The Honeyed Abyss,

Enraptured in the sparkle of Orion.

Fingertip streams,
Unclasp Time's necklace:

Jade.
Purest Now.
Nothingness.
Amnesia.


The life lifted,
The landfall - Dream.
The Nature Awakened,
Yearning eternity
imprinting commentary
on the moment.


The night torn,
Just plucked
away,

The cruel birds arrive,
I know, I know:
Soon:
Work.

Oh..




Wednesday 8 June 2011

Next!


Need a mortgage?
Drill your eyes.
Then?
Parents?
Dead or alive?
Take their money and their life -
Milk, parasite,
Milk the fuckers dry.

Then?
Grand parents?
Oh dear,
They've no right to be alive,
(They've no right to be dead for that matter!)
It's in the fuckin' will,
Or it will be,
So go for it!
Just go for it.

One small thing:
Don't complain,
When your eyes widen,
A few seconds before one of your fetid offspring,
Your fetid, hateful, ill-begotten offspring,
Fires a bullet -
Bull's-eye,
Through your fuck head.

Don't take it personally;
See it as a chip-off-the-old-block,
A blood-hound tracker-mortgage 2nd generation application.
It's your kids,
Your kids,
Giving something back.
And they don't wanna see you suffer,
See you dribble and gurn,
Down on some granny farm:
You have no right to make them see all that,
You selfish bastard.

Next!




Saturday 4 June 2011

ephydriad descending Thames Ganges


ululation
oud panther waves slink India ink
night boats thrum dreamfire elixer
fairy-light washing-line-piers swing Shanghaied lanterns
swirling moon-dial whirlpools glisten
tremulous lovers' tuliping lips time-slip swoon
amorvolous

landslide teardrops absinthe drip-drops
layered illuminated filaments glimmer
ephydriad descending
swerving ecstasiate
slow boat twelve-fifty
unicorn
Bermondsey

scintillant cosmogryal night river
dolphins salmon universe saffron
pearl-diving eternitarians
wish-fulfilling sea shanties
shanti shanti shanti
anciently Thames Ganges
Bermondsey
'ari
Krishna

bottle-filling ferries slide
loading-skip floating zen-less anchored quayside
water falling legless glass consciousness streams
amber emerald kohl crimson trampoline
clash-smash tinkle-tinkle thudding solar plexus
bells' citadel nexus
lapping motor-oil-blue sheen unpipping dimples

coil river unwind!
Goya spires reascend heavenward raining melting candle-dips
slanting
mellifluous..
sssss
puddle eyes hush tongue incantation hurdling wordless
mosaic expressions ceramic profiles tile translucent stirred shaken
slaked
mislaid
tree shapes
slayed
resharpen

ululation
oud panther waves slink India ink
night boats thrum dreamfire elixir
fairy-light washing-line-piers swing Shanghaied lanterns
swirling moon-dial whirlpools glisten
tremulous lovers' tuliping lips time-slip swoon
amorvolous