Gnome Of Koans

he bulldozed that poem
a real bulldozer delivery
it came in through the back wall
to the side of the dais
eighteen volumes dropped with a thud
then part of the ceiling collapsed
to an indifferent clamouring silence..

the poet glimmered
well at least now we have ventilation
the sparse audience jock-strapped laughed
and as the bulldozer reversed to leave
the driver waved us the grimmest cheerio..

as the fallen masonry settled
the poet gazed at the mike
a mike jones who was prostrate at the front
taking a selfie
lying on top of the fallen wall
grinning
his face dusted with motes of risen concrete powder
partying like a hungover zombie ghost..

the poet dusted himself down
and blinked at the one glaring green spotlight
and this is what passes for performance poetry glamour
one glaring green spotlight..sometimes a blue one
sometimes a red one
sometimes a yellow one>>
no one said it is easy
nevertheless a half a packet of crisps
and a romantic bus ride
to an edgy part of town
while clutching this this poet..if you play your cards right
yes ladies this man could be yours
get in line
you can thank me later..

so two poems
he pointed to the thick luminous volumes
first this one
this will take around two months to deliver
so i hope you have had a toilet break..huh
and then a two-minute quickie
just to round things off nicely
a little slap-and-tickle haiku aikido before home..

two. months.
now that is what i call epic
shit
i better phone work then..

yeah hi yeah..got a really bad throat
should be okay...in two months and two minutes or so
obviously i will let you know..

silence on the other side of the phone
wouldnyajusknowit
typical mid-management passive-aggression
two months queried that voice in rising castrato octaves
yeah..plus two minutes or so..
heads up - aitch-aaarrrrhh will not be too happy i was tipped off
they never are i replied..
just take some honey and lemon
you should be fine in a day...i was advised in a last ditch attempt to make me see sense..

has anyone ever seen sensehas anyone ever so much as taken a photograph of a seen sense..

..it will not budge i promised
well not for at least two months and two minutes..
my expert diagnosis
delivered with that certain astounding precision
an uncanny gift of the work-shy
we really apply ourselves that way
always giving it some added value
i have been doing it for decades
especially when a two-month poem is on
in a basement
in a basement without ventilation
try and stop me..

back to the poem
so he picked up the first volume
and turned to the first page..

yeah so here goes

so uh yeah..

then after a couple of phantom pregnant silent seconds
we are off..

The golden hued termites
for it was they

Burnished like Assam tea

Honeyed fractal dimpled vectoring..

fuckin ell
good start man good start
honeyed fractal dimpled vectoring
go on my son..

Ergo the divine Queen

As majestic as the turmeric galleon ants
Pearl drops mop her brow

mop her brow..

yeah yeah i am liking this
i am liking this..

but.. shit i am going to rudely interrupt myself ~ did i leave the oven on
did i leave the oven on ~ did i eat that jacket potato
is the jacket potato still in the oven..burning burning..
my mind drifted..
so is my flat on fire..
what am i asking myself
where am i going with this
ah..has a burning jacket potato
set fire to my oven set fire to flat
set fire to my flat
set. fire. to..my..flat..
should i check..or..

And that is how the war beganAnd that is how the war began
And I will say it again..(silence)

(he never said it again
he said it twice)

did the poet say a war began
what war began
why would turmeric ants start a war..
but..and..also..did i leave the oven on..

so should i listen to the rest of this poem
did that jacket potato burn down my flat
or should i listen to a two month-long poem about a war
a war started by ants or termites or some such..
it does have a..a kind of netflix vibe to it..

has my flat burnt down
did i eat that jacket potato
i see no netflix vibe there
no homoerotic component..

And this is how the war began..

oh..he did say it again..

The emperor glared at his adviser

Go to the forest with hasteThere is a talking gazelle ~ The Seer

Do not dither to that frosted glade..

And that is how the war began..

the poet looked up
looked around at the sparse audience
dramatic pause
an ice cube cracked in a vodka glass...

oh dear
if i leave now
i will no longer have a reason
to be off work for two months
unless my flat burns down
that might even garner me a bit of sympathy
from aitch arrr..

The diamond arrowhead killed his betrothed

something..something..

He screamed at up at the thundering sky 
I will avenge theeThey will all die..

(distracted distracted)                     something.. 

something..something..

(words admixed with more)

And that is how the war began..

decisions decisions..

They wrestled in the golden mud

The God Emperor penguin spat his cigar out

Swearing in an obscure Uranian Viking dialect

Aurora the maiden meerkat tore off her headdress

Pulling out the beaked whale intestines

Wrapping them around her bloodied neck
Trilling

Emperor

You shall give me child

It shall..

yep

i must leave

i must leave right. now.
right. now...

They mated in the albatross nest..

festooned with rubies

and so was the nest..

the moon turned a blood red scone

the syzygy ~ heralding the foreboding feast of zabagliones..

oracles wept into boney microphones..

and that is.........

snd tha..

Aaanndd.....

[Strikethrough ~ is strikethrough one word or two]

struckthrough words into words (to fade)

(light rain)

yeah hello..just been the chemists..walking home..
walking home..from the chemists..so i will have some honey and lemon and
i am sure by tomorrow..iiiiiiiii..
...
..hello..hello..are you there..you okay..hello
....it.....(to fade)


https://youtu.be/QRg_8NNPTD8