I've fallen deeply in love with the girl,
Hiding in the electronic check-out number four.
She never sounds sad or angry.
Her perfect, modulated tones,
Oh, how I wish to take her home.
There she hides beneath the screen,
"Please place the item in the bag..",
So I respectfully place my vegan mayonnaise,
In the bag.
In the past,
Leaning close to her bar-code reader,
"Would you like to go out
for a drink with me sometime?",
She's never replied.
How improbably, exceptionally shy!
Imagine hiding in your check-out bunker,
All day long,
All day long!
Announcing prices, instructions..
Do you have your lunch-break in there?
Do you only open your hatch for sun and air?,
Or only when the security guard,
Taps your glass screen:
" Hey, it's all clear now,
They've all gone,
You can come out now.
It's safe, there's no-one around."?
I always wave at her bar-code reader,
But no hand has ever appeared to wave back.
Sometimes, she bleeps.
I'm sure that that's her way of confiding in me,
That she knows I'm there,
And she knows I care.
I don't know what she looks like.
And you know,
It doesn't much matter to me,
For my love for the invisible check-out girl,
Is so beyond the mundane, physical.
I never thought I'd say that,
And mean it!
When I gently stroke her buttons,
She responds with:
"Please enter the code again.",
So I tenderly press her buttons again,
From somewhere behind that touch-screen of hers,
She replies with her classy, cut-glass, restrained,
And always followed with her coy, mysterious,
And so here I am again,
In this queue,
I always wave other customers past me,
If check-out number four isn't through,
For she has to know -
Has to know,
I will never be unfaithful -
I will never go to another till.
There she is,
The regular girl,
Who directs us to the available check-outs,
Rolls her eyes at me,
Maybe she's jealous,
Because I'm holding a bunch of flowers.
So here I stand,
In front of till number four,
And I confess to her:
"I worry about you:
Hiding, crouched all day
Beneath your till?
It must do your poor back in!
I wish you would come out from hiding in there,
I could give you a lovely massage..".
I can feel,
All the other customers stares,
What is their problem?
"I love you,
And I don't care who knows it!"
There's laughter around me now,
But I must press on:
"I'm holding a lovely bunch of flowers for you..",
I wave them in front of her bar-code reader,
And she replies instantly with,
"Thank you for shopping at Tescos.".
"No, thank you,
I love you shy, subterranean check-out girl.
I'll leave the flowers here for you."
I place them by her side,
And begin to take my leave,
..There's a voice..
And a hush descends..