I Am Embarrassment

 

dear doctor dear reader
i have a confession i must share with you..

i often feel embarrassed
very embarrassed
acutely embarrassed
acutely embarrassed when i am on my own
when. i. am. on. my. own.
when there is absolutely no-one else around
absolutely no-one..

and i just feel embarrassed..
i simply become hugely embarrassed
it just takes me over
like hit by a crushing waterfall
i become overcome with embarrassment
an i-am of embarrassment
and for no particular reason
no discernible reason
absolutely none
none..

i just become..
totally embarrassed
completely embarrassed
full-spectrum embarrassed..

sometimes it flows..
the flow of embarrassment
acute flowing embarrassment..

one embarrassment
one embarrassment
one embarrassment
flows into itself
swirls into itself
..enjambment..
embarrassment enjambment..

or is it enjambement
embarrassment enjambement..

how embarrassing..
this so-called poet is not even sure
whether embarrassment enjambment
should be embarrassment enjambement
perhaps americans experience
experience long-embarrassment differently
embarrassment with an extra e
embarrassment enjambemant
because their embarrassment is more outgoing
more tingly
more adventurous
prairie-like
more gun-slingery..

do americans spell enjambment enjambement
does anyone
i do not know
how embarrassing..

also
what should embarrassment actually be for
how is it meant to help
biologically physiologically sociologically
lone embarrassment especially..
..
anyway
in the way some people become enlightened..
i just become embarrassed..
a kundalini explosion of embarrassment overcomes me
my more spiritual relations would be proud..

actually
no they would not
they would be so embarrassed
so embarrassed for me
kundalini embarrassment
oh please sanjay 
no guru can help you with this..

on social media
many times many times
i have watched people claim how they became enlightened
suddenly enlightened
and for no reason
just like that..

never once have i watched a youtuber for example
share their experience of becoming suddenly embarrassed
suddenly embarrassed while on their own
and for absolutely no reason at all
just like that
like bad magic..

experiencing my embarrassment enjambment/enjambement..
typically i assume the advanced embarrassment yoga position
my right hand slowly rises to cover my face
my tightly clenched eyes i raise downwards to the floorboards
then after a fair few seconds i lower my right hand
open my eyes again
apprehensively look around
look around even though i know no-one is there
then i wonder what on earth is wrong with me
then more embarrassment enjamb(e)ment rises all over me again
like a zombie rash of a b-movie horror-flick..

for it is only i that is beside myself
beside myself with embarrassment
an out-of-body embarrassment experience
an i-am of embarrassment
the i am of embarrassment..

try it
really is easy..
at least for me..
how embarrassing..

then i ponder
why on earth did embarrassment flow over me like a tsunami..
and because i realise i have no idea
again i assume the embarrassment-enjambment yoga position..

i have no wish to boast
but sometimes i can do this for hours..

how very embarrassing..
probably something to do with my adulthood..

this is our secret okay
so please do not share this with anyone
otherwise you can guess what will happen to me..

****************

so i have pondered the why
perhaps this is a karmic debt that i must pay
did i mercilessly tease and embarrass people in my previous life
so the almighty said
right you will experience embarrassment
even. when. you. are. on. your. own.
in fact especially when you are on your own
it will just happen
you will experience raging kundalini embarrassment
torrents of it
now be off with you..

how embarrassing..

Oversoul Symphony

 

i slip inside that piece of music
ensconce in the labyrinthine sonic sea
the heart the soul the spirit the mind
utterly losing oneself to find vision divine
resounding melodious near theophany..

and in the rarefying raw
the fashioned airstreams ripple
the pulsing electric currents sympathise
etheric lightning flashes behind sighing eyes..

i slip inside that piece of music
the contemplative expanse so playful so plaintive
the mirroring sun touched by the supposer
how the luminaries reflect on the numinous composer..

i slip inside that piece of music
a refulgent star sparks that teardrop gland
the raging puressence of moonglade angels
the receiver receives wordlessly sends
gloriously recursive transmissions
sunbeams shift light through stained glass..

The Floor Whisperer

the snapped tether
the snapped tether the tether snaps
the galaxy-torn-bloom
the phantom borne
the rippling mass morphs
         annexes the arrested vacuum
                     the emptiness warps and hydrates
          the arid abundance creeps and rises and entwines
                    annoints the coronated black sun..

the tether snaps
the dislocation bifurcates
flames of splintered self just spin off and away
just spin off and away
the splitting spirits polish the serrated void
arrange flowers of crystallised spit along its melting highways..

the liquidised dialogues in absentia
present the whispered conversations with sinking floors
the churn
the lack
the arrhythmic beat of the shocked heart
stop..stop..stop..
                                  i am..i am..

            what of the flashes
     the flashes of light..

load memories
replay imagine replay re-imagine
implode and reload
not again..not again..
yet again..

so the meaning the absence not only lingers
reappears and reappears
the snapped tether reconnects reaffirms re-solders
and again tears away
there darkly the dynamo re-energises
play again..oh no..yes and no..play again..

but the flashes of light
those flashes of light
in the burn in the tenderest supernatural kiss
the re-assemblage..

Dark Neon Senryu

 
blinken to orange
genocide riviera
cleanse for casinos..