A Friend In Need

I don't want to say this,
But I did warn you,
Didn't I!
Don't say I didn't warn you,
I'm not going to go on - don't worry,
But,
I did tell you, and don't think I've forgotten,
I did tell you that this would happen,
Now look at you:
Just standing there not saying anything.
Well?

So who's laughing now?
I warned you - I did!
I did! I did!
And now look!
Look!
So don't say I never said anything!
Why aren't you saying anything?
Don't think I'm happy about this.
Do you think I'm happy about this?
Don't think I'm happy about this.
I'm not going to say anymore,
I'm not going to say
Anything. More.
Any. Thing.

But,
I have to say I told you so.
And you know,
Especially as you're sitting there,
In front of me with your face,
That face you've got on.
Why have you got that face on?
Are you ashamed or embarrassed
because I'm saying this around your friends?
Oh well be like that.
No! I'm not trying to ambush you,
Why would I do that?
What would I have to gain? Seriously,
All I'm saying is - and please don't interrupt me,
Good manners cost nothing you know -
I warned you didn't I,
But I promised I won't go on,

I'm just saying this because I care,
I hope you can see that.

And,
Just don't get me started,
Don't even get me started,
Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started.

Estuary Latin Roman Centurion Gangsta Poem

Ergo,
Ipso facto,
Apropos,
S.P.Q.R
I'm an A.K sword mother,
Bitch!

Mary Poppins Sings At An Anti-Capitalist Demo

Um diddle diddle um
diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um
diddle ay

Supercalafragilisticquantitativeeasing!
Bankers get their bonuses
which is really quite displeasing,
Supercalafragilisticquantitativeeasing!
Bankers get their bonuses
which is really quite displeasing.

Um diddle diddle um
diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um
diddle ay

Pneumonoultrascopicsilicovocanoniosis!
It's the longest word in English
And rhymes with alidocious
Supercalafragilisticexpialidocious!
Pneumonoultrascopicsilicovocanoconiosis!

Ghost Cremation In Budapest

Ghoul,
Ash.

New And Improved Consumer

This consumer is new and improved,
Its brain tested, prodded, teased,
blow-torched and burnished,
To its very filthiest shine.

New and improved.
And,
Now,
Silicon Primed!

Finely tuned unit,
Rampant:
Gagging, frothing, multiplying.

So sluice you silver,
Swill around and spit the sounds of your symbols and signs;
Bend and tweak its bedazzled antennas raw,
Crumple its bingo eyes,
Venus flytrap its fleshly aerials:
Pliable, conceited, quivering.

So Blessed Mirror Smokers,
Dear Mentors of the Dreck,
Bask, Sharks,
Pass your product bong,
Relax,
Observe agog.

10 out of 10 brand owners recommend,
This new and improved consumer.

Glorious Brand Architects,
This new and improved consumer -
New and improved to the power of ten,
Ten over infinity -
Guaranteed,
Always,
To give you their money back naturally,
One way or another.

Target Market:
Troll and flame,
Pitter-patter,
And,
Splatter:
Pavlovian parakeets on your platter.

Rest assured,
Your constantly evolving virus -
Your eternity -
Dissolves the new and improved consumer internally.
This sturdy deflowering perennial -
A whirling ricochet,
Shall out-of-control itself,
Watered from ledge rain,
Dripping up,
To nourish your bling-sentience,
Nowforever,
Nowforever.

So milk your desires,
Sentinel Bar Code Dancers,
And fire your solar flares!
Their puddle eyes truly reflect
all the glory of your glistening, gurning sun.

The rare fragrant moon
The scent of vacuum
The oud of eclipse
Nowforever,
Nowforever,
Amen.

Post Credit Crunch Age-Of-Austerity Poem (With Essential And Necessary Cut-Backs)

,
,
!
.

?
;
,
,
,
.

Jerusalem (part 2)

Bring me my chariot on recyled tyres.

Save The Chile Miners

Pray.
Let there be engineers on stand-by,
Ready to rescue the Chile miners,
Who blinded by the TV lights may fall,
Spiralling down and down,
Into the eviscerating, Reality-TV black hole:
Carrion,
For the dead-eyed gargoyle vultures -
Tallons dripping candyfloss razors -
Perching on the sharpened edges,
of humanity's newest, darkest and strangest melting escarpment.

Twitter Feed Bolemia

@me
October 8, 09.07pm:
Mememe meme me,
Me me and me me and me,
Meme,
See ya!!

@me
October 8, 11.11pm:
You,
You, you,
Me, you, me, mememe.

@me
October 9, 02.09am:
Mememe me me.
You'll never guess?
Go on guess.
No??
You're dying to know: nearly three minutes ago,
(Nearly like four now),
I nearly fell over!;
I nearly did!,
Mad ?!
See ya!

@me
October 9, 06.14am:
Youyouyou
You never did:
You nearly fell over!?!
For real?!

@me
October 9, 09.22am:
I did! I didn't but I nearly did!
Mad!
See ya!

@me
October 9, 2010. 10.00am:
Youyoumeyou
I nearly did that once..
I nearly fell over once.

@me
October 9, 2010. 11.23am:
Ohmygod really?

@me @me
September 15, 2028. 11.22am:
Memememe..

And on,
And on and on,
And on.

I Wont De-friend You Unless You Violate My Privacy Settings Or Say Something Weird

I wont de-friend you unless you violate my privacy settings or say something weird.

Facebook,
Facebook,
Facebook,
Facebook.

Are you on Facebook yet?

Facebook,
Facebook,
Facebook,
Facebook.

Are you on Facebook yet?
You're mad! You're still not on Facebook?

You can be my friend on Facebook.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnfriends..

are you stll there?nnnnn I need help,

I need help;nnnnnnnnI don't want to sound,

melodramatic,

and, nnnn..I know, nnnn..you've got other groups to visit,

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnor joinnnI really need to talk to someone anyone,

want to kill myself, things have got so bad, never thought id say this need help need to talk..

hello? is anyone still there?

i canttakeit

anyone..

alright then...

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnsee ya

see ya

Cardiac Karma Cola

Supermarket numbness,
Aura of the damned,
Z-list enforcers,
Endorse and brand.

Food Arcades exfoliate,
The warmth of sharks:
Come hither,
Sup our dark arts.

We are the trench-troughers;
Silken purse sows devour-emoting.

We have assumed Full Spectrum Dominance,
Over our Consumer Ground Nero.
We dribble Manchurian Yoke Freedom.

Sometimes,
I pray for lobsters clasping Uzis,
Waiting,
Their claws on the hair-pins,
Nozzles pointing out from our boiling pans,
And into their hellfire.

Gastronome-dalek bling,
Mediterraneaning,
Exoticeasterning.
Italian, Indian, French, Spanish:
They're of course still missing all this,
But have no fear fluffy muffin,
For they must catch on:
The Credit Crunch Work In Terror ethic,
Will soon enough scold, then vaporise
their ethnic kitchen-culture manana-charm;
So last-century.

Slow-cook growth hormone:
Soy Soma;
Cardiac Karma Cola.

This is the church,
This is the steeple,
Let us pray for wholly bovine people.
And if all the cows die,
We can binge on burgers made from our dead selves:
A greener alternative to burial:
Eat us, purge, then flush,
And if you're in the mood for romance, fat-fuck.

In the abattoir,
Slice and dice us open,
We will ooze and seep,
Melting, radiating,
Factory-farmed,
Minced polystyrene:
Alien autopsies to go,
Scare the hell out of those almond eyed Greys,
All the way back to Alienspacystan.

Masticate,
Contort,
Digest,
Strain,
Donut muff-dive again,
Colon Barbarian.

Alfalfa barbecue with intent,
Pretend you're foreign,
But only for a bit,
Their food, climate, warmth and lifestyle
may be wonderful,
But those people?
Shame, isn't it?

Daisy, Daisy Cow, The

This health and safety notice will explode in five minutes..
Four minutes..
Three minutes..

Sorry,
This health and safety notice will not explode:
It has developed a fault.
Al Queda Health and Safety Executive,
Apologise for any inconvenience caused.

This celebrity has passed his sell-by date.
He has passed with flying colours,
And shall be presented with this lovely certificate,
At his sell-out parade,
To celebrate his stellar achievement.

This meat has gone off,
But no-one knows where it's gone to.
Naughty cow!
Please find and kill her,
And then deep-freeze her;
Then she wont go off again,
For at least another twelve months.
She answers to the name of Daisy, Daisy Cow,
And her middle name is The.

This relationship is past finished,
We just aren't compatible,
And we have nothing in common.
But surely we can still be best friends?

This dogma will pass,
And be superseded by another dogma,
And this will continue in cycles,
Forever and ever.
Dogma is Great! Dogma is Great!
Woof! Woof!
Dogma is Great!
Woof! Woof!
Or Meeow! Meeow!
If you're an agnostic.

Portent Of A Disconnection Foretold

Commuters space-walk along the train platform;
Broken links:
A human chain in mourning.
Faces' lines read like tyre tracks:
Stanzas torn abandoned on a zebra crossing.
Air conditioned skin awaits to shed on the rattlesnake.
Silencer earphones on "stun", eyes like rose-tinted grenades..

Indentured meer cats mutter mobile hydraulic conversations:
I'm calling just to let you know
I can't talk now I'm on the train,
Or I will be if it ever arrives,
Talk later..
And again the roaring silence washes over the caller,
Like a prodigal son,
Surfing a crashing wave of liquid nitrogen,
Smashing against a zero-gravity beach head.
Return to sender.

Such curious nano incantations murmur,
Like a thousand Buddhist librarians:
I'm on my way;
I'm not on my way;
I'm nearly there, but..;
I might be there late;
I might not be late, but if I am
I will only just be late..but if I will be I will still be there;
..and can you buy cat food on your way home,
Love you..Hello.. I said I love you..Hello..?
That hello with its plaintive question mark:
A portent of a disconnection foretold?
She returns her phone to her handbag,
And looks down,
Her eyes shimmer and falter like an evaporating mirage,
And the little mouse on the track,
Weaves and bobs like a boxer on LSD;
He's obviously not a church mouse.

Me?
Oh I just listen to music,
And sometimes text the message:
I can't text you now I'm on the train,
Or I will be if it ever arrives..