Facility

Dear Sir/Madam,

It has been brought to our attention
mmmmmmThat you have been overutilising your overdraft facility
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbYou cunt.

Our commitment to responsible lending
bbbbRequires that we best meet the needs of our valued customers
bbbbbbbbResponsibly.

bbbbbbbbbbDue to ongoing liquidity issues
nnnnnnnnn((And because we just fucking well feel like it)
nnnnnnnnnnnnnWe are sadly
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(Ha! Ha!)
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLWWWithdrawing this facility from you
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbLLLLLLLLImmediatelyRight now. Right fucking now.

Please rest assured
xxWe may wish to offer an overdraft facility to you again

xxxxProbably

ccccccIn your case

ccccccccIn the far-off distant future
aaaaaaaaaaWhen you stop behaving like an absolute cunt
b aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaYou cunt.

Sorry to swear like this
n nnnnnnnnnnnBut
ccccccccccccccccYou really have been taking the piss haven't you?

Should you have any concerns that
mmYour life will turn to absolute shit
nnnnnnISBecause we are withdrawing this facility from you immediately
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvWithout giving you any prior warning
qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqOr time to make alternative arrangements
qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqPlease do not hesitate to contact us
mmmmmmmmmmmBecause
ccccccccccccccccccccccccTo be honest
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm kkWe enjoy a good laugh
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbHa! Ha!
t bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbSee?

Yours fucking sincerely then,

Customer Services Advisor

A Meeting

Please sit down..No?

Okay, if you prefer..

You've probably guessed then, that,

Our,

Meeting,

Is..is..about..

We're going to have to let you go.

Sorry.

It wasn't easy.

It wasn't easy,

But then again,

It was easier than letting ourselves go:

That would've been truly difficult; dreadful.

So,

We didn't do that.

The credit crunch:

With added value,

And vitamins:

More good for me,

Than for you.

May we wish you the best of luck.

Don't answer that:

Rhetorical.

We've clubbed together and bought you some chocolate.

So,

Don't eat it all at once!

Thanks again then.

Security will escort you from the premises.

Please hand your pass in at the door.

Don't worry:

We'll invite you in for the next Christmas party,

Which will happen..next Christmas,

God, what am I saying?

I know you're not thinking about that right now,

You know,

For the future..Christmas,

Please consider yourself more than pencilled in for an invite.

So..

I know, I know..

It's bad. Bad as in not good bad.

Take care then,

And,

No hard feelings, please.

No need for that;

There's no progress in it.

It's not personal:

It's personnel.

Prosumer, Vosumer, Spirisumer

So I heard a brand-new word today:
Prosumer.
Prosumer: professional consumer.
As opposed to..?
...amateur consumer?
Amsumer?

Wouldn't you say that most of us
are professional consumers now?
We're so prosuming;
So dedicated to the cause of consuming;
We're professional consumers of consuming:
Prosumers prosuming.

And some of us take prosuming to another level:
Vocational consuming:
It ain't just a job, but a feeling of love;
A need to serve:
Vosuming; vosumer.

And then -
Above vosumers are
Those that take consuming to its spiritual realm:
For these enlightened souls rarely consume what they buy,
They just put their new belongings away,
Until,
They say bye-bye;
And off into bags and boxes they go:
To eBay, charities or recycling.
These spiritual consumers just -
Buy,
And buy and buy:
True anti-materialists of the post-modern world:
Spiritual consumers:
Spirisumers.

Prosumer,
Vosumer,
Spirisumer:
Learn these new words today.

Pine

Loneliness pines -
pin-drops echo,
echoes echo.

Moon

The heavens open,
the rains darken -
the parched moon shines ardent.

Clock Smasher!

His face flows backwards,

Clock smasher!

Stretching a strange storm-tossed wafer-thin lily tree.

Wrinkles blow-torched,

Onion peeled and caramelised.

Synthetic tresses stapled and sown.

His gluey skull resealed,

Re-varnished,

Re-baptised:

Surgeons expertly scrape clients' time-lined anciently ravages:

Industrial dishfacers,

Manga facialists.

He's good to go!

(You don't think so?),

Unbandaged,

Relaminated:

Moon-tanned Bamby,

Drip-dry popsicle.

Shocked venriloquist eyes -

Silky as spam.

Ultraviolet,

Atomised:

Blancmange in neon -

Sparkly,

Glamorous shampoo for you now Powdery Blue!

Clock smasher!

Give Porche A Chance

For goodness sake!
Leave the poor bankers alone:
Their penthouses,
And porches,
Have feelings too.

Subliminal Movie

One full minute,
One full minute into this Hollywood movie, and,
Bang!
Four seconds of product placement advertising,
Subliminal product placement advertising, mind.

And done so cleverly I almost didn't notice I noticed.

After all,
There is an art to it;
Commerce and art in symbiosis;

Effortless,

Elegant,

Elephant.

The Heartbreak Ringtone

So the silent phone plays,
The Heartbreak Ringtone,
Even switched off
it plays The Heartbreak Ringtone.
And my dripping kitchen tap keeps the dead air swinging
in metronomic jazz-time.

One more time Sam,
One more time.
I'm in a b-movie,
Black and white,
"Happy Valentine".

So I pick up my fedora,
The plane is waiting,
I have a pizza to collect,
With my name on it.
Gotta go.
And when I return,
I know my silent ringtone will welcome me home,
And it will play all night long,
The Heartbreak Ringtone,
Like jazz.

Four Haiku

The wake of the gliding swan,
A wave surfing
Grass hoppers on a leaf.


***************************

Rustic rainbows,
Fallen fractals,
Autumn swept.

***************************

The arctic sunrise
Spilling crimson
Simmering ice.

***************************

Porcelain wrinkles,
Rain lines windows,
Dusk glowing dim.

***************************

Love On A Cold Dentist

He gazed at her the gaze of the ages
She demurred
Purring
Throwing back her stroke my hair of shimmering river
Her smile more delicate than dream itself unfurled
Cheeks a furnace of pounding heart-crush
Her full-tilt tulip's slightly parting
Strawberry smile
Her date, the dentist fairy riled
!
And so waved the magic dentist wand
And
Smashed the poor guy's teeth in

Ego Ecology

Memories revive

Plastic plants

Evergreen