I Am A Blog Poet

this is an immersive blog poem
so please put your blog poetry helmet on before banging your head repeatedly against this blog poetry screen

i am a blog poet
a blog poet
for blog poet read
plankton poet
bottom-feeder poet
swimming belly-up in the cyber fukushima sea moat
poet

i am a man that writes blog poetry
so where are my groupies
where are my rock star human rights
we need to ask ourselves here one important question
is prejudice against blog poets the last acceptable form of ism

i am a humorous poetry blog poet
that means i'm the lowest of the low
beyond redemption
the kind of human being that would make even gandhi want to pick up a baseball bat
to smash my brains in
well everyone needs a way to wind down

i am a blog poet
i sometimes receive postive feedback from
nigerian billionaires that want my bank details so they can send me fifty million pounds
exotic temptresses who need to marry me for a nominal fee
mumbai pharmacists promising to make my little fern a proud tree
or another poetry agent that definitely doesn't want to help me
i am a blog poet

i am a blog poet
sometimes i receive encouraging emails from other blog poets
encouraging me to
follow them on their blog
and leave them positive feedback
so i oblige by forwarding their blog email address to nigerian billionaires
exotic temptresses
and mumbai pharmacists
and poetry agents that hate blog poets
well one good turn..

i am a blog poet
and if you are reading this
you probably are too
it's horrible isn't it
god save the queen
thank you

i am a blog poet
i've had my blog since two thousand and nine
i should reach one thousand subscribers
in about three to four years' time
although i'm not holding my breath
i am a blog poet

i am a blog poet
i sometimes try to do something constructive about it
i watch ufo case files
or ancient aliens instead
ancient aliens were much better than the modern kind
they used to build pyramids and temples
and teach meditation and play the sitar
now the bastards abduct american cows
and burn inscrutable geometric graffiti on fields of distant stars

i am a blog poet
i am a blog poet
i am a blog poet
repeat and fade away..

so please let us be upstanding for the national anthem of this weird island next to the big part of europe
that's of no significance at all
next to this small part of europe very significant
that wants to leave europe
and move to neptune
and the neptunians can feel significant
feeling now a sense of belonging to the small significant stellarish part of europe

god save the queen blog poem

god save the queen blog poem
god save her corgies
god save those soldiers guarding buckingham palace
from german tourists trying to make them laugh
by singing kraftwerk songs in broken spanish
god save the queen
but not german tourists singing kraftwerk songs in broken spanish
god save the queen blog poem

god save the trees
but please first save the queen
unless the queen is sitting in a tree
in which case god save the queen
and the tree in which the queen is sitting
but god don't save the other trees
because they're probably communists or something
god save the queen
blog poem

god save atheists that love the queen
but don't save atheists that don't want to save the queen
even if they want to save the queen only for a rainy day
god don't save atheists that don't want to save the queen
even those cynical atheists that want to save the queen only for a rainy day
god save the queen
blog poem

god save agnostics that aren't sure about the queen
but don't save them entirely
save only a bit of them
like an elbow or leg
for example
or another part of their body
it doesn't really matter
i gave an elbow or leg only as an example
it could be a chin
or ear cartilage
it doesn't really matter to be honest
god save bits of agnostics that aren't sure about the queen
any bit really
god save bits of agnostics that are okay with god saving the queen
even if the queen might not exist
blog poem

god save the queen from commoners' austerity blog poetry
god save the queen from flowers that make her sneeze
kill 'em all
militant republican daffodils must be taught a lesson
mow the treacherous scum down
god save the queen

likewise god save evil terrorists that want to kill the queen
that is until god needs to kill them to prove he saved the queen
super-heroically
and at the very last minute
and all the people
will be grateful
for god acting like batman
god save the bad guys so god can save the queen from them
it's a bit complicated but god knows what god means
and batman would definitely know what god means
you need batman predictive programming
god save the queen

god save blog poets that want to save the queen
because then they can write blog poetry
about god saving blog poets' poetry about god saving the queen
god save the queen
and blog poetry about god saving the queen
a little like all those poems written after nine eleven
apart from those tinfoil dark web poems about how did building seven..
god save the queen

god save nauseating bbc royal correspondents who want you to want them to save the queen
god save jesus who wants to save the queen
but if he doesn't
then that's a different story
so let's hope he does
god save the queen and jesus but only if jesus wants to save the queen
otherwise there's nothing we can do for him
stupid man
god save the queen

god save everyone who wants to save the queen
god save god who wants to save the queen
but god don't save yourself if you don't want to save the queen
it's a win-win
so god save your sorry self and save your god the queen
the queen save god
god save..

god save ancient aliens
but not the modern ones who want to save the queen
unless they stop murdering american cows
then okay they may save the queen
god save sacred geometry graffiti only there to save the queen
god save the queen
blog poem..

i am a blog poet
i am a blog poet
i am a blog poet
you are a blog poet
you are a blog poet
you are a blog poet
we are a blog poet
we are a blog poet
we are a blog poet
blog poem

this has been an immersive blog poem experience
you can take off your helmet now
which colour pill do you want