First World Problems

 

those thrums are her heartstrings sympathising
her beat disclosing
as she so gently closes the back door
self-metamorphosing
and the moonlight introduces the sunrise..

the digital world clocks the analogue
deadlines
yet this man is not a machine not a device
he knows the risk assessment
the imprisoning kind of self-denial..

to be
but oftentimes we simply have no choice
vision realised only in fevered dreams
the wish to seem to be
satiating the spirit with dream addiction
first world problems..

first world problems
get drunk on spit
extinguish your fire
generate credit-debt the trinkets bill and return to buyer trip-wired
first world problems..

time-out for sense gratification
ding-ding ego thrills and spills
the psychic corollary to that ponzi scheme
the status traps and all the pulp fiction
the guilt trips
and where restriction generates stagnation
inevitably resentment wretchedly rides in
all fabulous ways to encase your restless spirit
so what about it
and what of it..

of your spirit the spirit
your soul spirit your heart
maybe you should you bin it
as it breathes you
tumbles with you
being in reflective moments gently whispering
in resignation and self-abandonment screaming
first world problems
look how vain
i should be content surviving
who the hell do i think i am
discontent
thinking again
time to put away such childish things
first world problems..

so dear spirit shut-up animating
shut-up trying to sing
self-actualisation yeah pretty words for pretty words
but what does that nonsense even mean
i mean really
only that it is a self-delusional myth
peddled by kidult schemers with no responsibilities
gazing through skylights
following their own  crumbs in basements
first world problems
for clowns who believe in father christmas..

should i
redefine nihilistic annihilation as transcendence
to benchmark and plot and test
my new mantra could be
i must resist myself
i must resist myself
it would be so much easier than resisting all else
perhaps i could read this as a strange kind of spiritual test
that might help..

what about the next promotion
the next trophy holiday
the next trophy partner
my ghostly self will ride shotgun
noble in glass
i shall slay my needless spirit i will martyr it
sword my heart to stone
yes i must reprioritise this as my number one goal
after all it might not be such a tough ask
and then i can get busy being my own trophy badass
so much for first world problems
time to do the right thing
for myself and for mine..

just no
and that no means no
i know there is more
and there is more than one way to be selfless and to give
to taste the imperfect balance rare
more than just another friday
more than nursing the instant
more than walking in a desert
proudly taking a selfie in front of an oasis
for digital thumbs to share
no need to walk on water to see
being embittered is not the way to be..

deferred gratification and endurance
self-discovery with heart
anciently some wise beings from a very different world
said that being is its own reward
and millions deemed failed beings being created their great art
i take full responsibility
yesterday like the day before i failed
and i am hopeful that will only be the start..