Content: Unboxing

unboxing
i am watching an unboxing channel
one of many many..

for many many
watching a kidult opening boxes
is compulsive and addictive viewing..

some boxes are cardboard
some boxes are plastic
some boxes are wooden
all presenters fake orgasmic
so different from porn..

unboxing it is called
someone opens up boxes
deliberatively urgent
while exclaiming ooh or ahhh
rather like..

so i am watching an unboxing channel
but first an ad
one that cannot be skipped..

..really annoying ad
for an indoor exercise bike
green screen fetid designer cubby holes
behind fake crash test dummies
fake crash test dummies paid to be 
paid to be purposely racing to nowhere
racing to hit the wall
to hit the wall of nowhere
i forget the name of the bike
the advertiser never mentioned the name of the wall
the name of the wall
nowhere..

all in all
another wall for the wall..

we are on the wall to nowhere..

now here is the unboxer
she waves at us with both hands
imploding teeth grinning
grinning dracula dental implants
she waves at us excitedly with both hands
with both hands like she is waving at puppies
puppies with severe learning difficulties..

she asks allmyviewers to smash the subscribe
and like buttons
and the subscribe and like button graphics appear
appear with ping and car horn effects
smashed subtly done..

she thanks her millionz subscribers
she brushes and blesses her bubble-wrapped chest
her bubble-wrapped chest confesses is humbled
humbled it is so not about the money
she says she knows we know that
she knows we know it is not about the money
about the money she just loves opening boxes..

then she says
so without further ado..
as another ad flashes its glue-on
gluon..

now we see her again she is
gazing thoughtfully at a box
like it is the turin shroud
if the turin shroud is hidden inside a colourful box
shrodinger shroud-waving
she pulls up the box to her ear
she waves the box around
she caresses the box like it is..
a box..

she shakes the box some more
she taps the box
she gazes again at the box
she unwraps the box
slowly
she opens the box
slowly
she pulls an object out of the box
she waves it around
slowly
hypnotically you might say
she says ooh and she says ahh..

she looks at us
she tells us
she cannot do without this object
she wonders how she ever managed
ever managed to survive without this in her life
survive without this in her life for so long
she is certain she cannot do without it now
without it now she knows how we would feel
how we would feel if we had this in our paws right now
right now she has got the empathy thing going on
going on..

her sponsors concur
and because they know we cannot
we cannot do without this object
they will offer the millionz of subscribers
and random viewers
an exclusive thirty-three percent discount
just..smash..the..link..below..
so without further ado..

as another ad comes on..

a second of blackness then back
she waves to us again and points
points and reminds us to smash the subscribe and like buttons
the subscribe and like buttons appear again
with added ping and car horn effects
smashed subtly done..

before she waves us bye-bye
she teases us
she teases us about a box
about a box she will open for us tomorrow
for us tomorrow will it be this one
this one or will it be that one
that one..

then as promised she waves bye-bye
bye-bye with both her hands flapping at invisible flies
invisible flies with severe learning difficulties
with severe learning difficulties..

her conjuring hands
animated glitter swishes out from them
and she blows the glitter towards us
towards us the glitter hits the screen and..
flies through..

her disembodied voice instructs
remember to smash the special offer link below now
below now remember now below now..

and another ad comes on
on..on..