This Sort Of Thing

The human brain:
A giant supercomputer -
100 billion nerve cells -
The same as the number of stars in our galaxy -
Each nerve cell a computer itself,
Connected with thousands of others.

What an astonishing miracle of nature,
What an astounding accident of creation.

So,
Can you show me how to open
this child-proof plastic vac-pack?
Ha! ha!
My astonishing miracle of nature,
Does not compute,
This sort of thing.

That Stings, Mused The Wasp

There's nothing so efficient,
As built-in obsolescence.

National Institution

I have never watched the Gran National
So cruel and irrational
How spectators are able to derive pleasure
And cheer
As those poor bewildered creatures, whipped into fear
Die leaping those unforgiving, terrible and cruel fences
How jockeys live with themselves I've no idea
I mean, you wouldn't even treat a horse like that:
Animals

Mexican Wave

"How many farmers are exploited for our frappuccino?
How many girls forced to forge those trainers?
How many die by arms bought from blood diamonds?
How many children are drowning in our red tides?
There's still so much exploitation everywhere!:
We don't see the cause and effect,
I call it Consumer Disconnect.."
A solemn silence settled,
As all the media twattery around the glass table nodded.

With that -
Pleased with his peroration,
The hack,
Chopped,
Then vacuumed,
A couple of lines.

New Interesting Times

The old uncertainties -
Swept away!
They're laughing now:
They slyly step back,
And salute,
The new ones raging through.

Brace yourselves,
For perfect storms -
For tidal waves.

The One That Got Away

w
w
a
a
a
I

Mermaids Wipe The Rain

In a nutshell
A hole-in-one
At the end of the day
The moon is the sun,
Squaring the circle
A smiling cat with the cream
For the dead
Sleep like fish
Counting sheep in your dream.

A bah-Humbug! Christmas carol
Unkiss your prince to a frog
Break out the pizza mints
Split your hair of the dog,
Bring back hanging
Keep our suits neat and tidy
An American princess for the President
That will do nicely.

We must cut our cloth in inverse proportion
To the bankers' fat arses,
And we must cut our cloth in inverse proportion
To the bankers' fat arses.
So,
Where are the gods tearing asunder
The Temples of Mammon? -
Selling toilet rolls to mermaids
To help them wipe the rain.

Which came first:
The bishop or the actress
The sacrament or sacrilege
The chicken or salmonella
Climate change or weird weather?
If the big-bang exploded
And tore open neo-natal space
Would a radio telescope catch the sound off God's face?
If the messiah had owned a washing machine
Would Da Vinci have faked the Turin Shroud?
For every line a nasal cloud
Successful slimmer a mirror cowed.

So,
Where are the gods tearing asunder
The Temples of Mammon? -
Selling toilet rolls to mermaids
To help them wipe the rain.

A Friend In Need

I don't want to say this,
But I did warn you,
Didn't I!
Don't say I didn't warn you,
I'm not going to go on - don't worry,
But,
I did tell you, and don't think I've forgotten,
I did tell you that this would happen,
Now look at you:
Just standing there not saying anything.
Well?

So who's laughing now?
I warned you - I did!
I did! I did!
And now look!
Look!
So don't say I never said anything!
Why aren't you saying anything?
Don't think I'm happy about this.
Do you think I'm happy about this?
Don't think I'm happy about this.
I'm not going to say anymore,
I'm not going to say
Anything. More.
Any. Thing.

But,
I have to say I told you so.
And you know,
Especially as you're sitting there,
In front of me with your face,
That face you've got on.
Why have you got that face on?
Are you ashamed or embarrassed
because I'm saying this around your friends?
Oh well be like that.
No! I'm not trying to ambush you,
Why would I do that?
What would I have to gain? Seriously,
All I'm saying is - and please don't interrupt me,
Good manners cost nothing you know -
I warned you didn't I,
But I promised I won't go on,

I'm just saying this because I care,
I hope you can see that.

And,
Just don't get me started,
Don't even get me started,
Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started.

Estuary Latin Roman Centurion Gangsta Poem

Ergo,
Ipso facto,
Apropos,
S.P.Q.R
I'm an A.K sword mother,
Bitch!

Mary Poppins Sings At An Anti-Capitalist Demo

Um diddle diddle um
diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um
diddle ay

Supercalafragilisticquantitativeeasing!
Bankers get their bonuses
which is really quite displeasing,
Supercalafragilisticquantitativeeasing!
Bankers get their bonuses
which is really quite displeasing.

Um diddle diddle um
diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um
diddle ay

Pneumonoultrascopicsilicovocanoniosis!
It's the longest word in English
And rhymes with alidocious
Supercalafragilisticexpialidocious!
Pneumonoultrascopicsilicovocanoconiosis!

New And Improved Consumer

This consumer is new and improved,
Its brain tested, prodded, teased,
blow-torched and burnished,
To its very filthiest shine.

New and improved.
And,
Now,
Silicon Primed!

Finely tuned unit,
Rampant:
Gagging, frothing, multiplying.

So sluice you silver,
Swill around and spit the sounds of your symbols and signs;
Bend and tweak its bedazzled antennas raw,
Crumple its bingo eyes,
Venus flytrap its fleshly aerials:
Pliable, conceited, quivering.

So Blessed Mirror Smokers,
Dear Mentors of the Dreck,
Bask, Sharks,
Pass your product bong,
Relax,
Observe agog.

10 out of 10 brand owners recommend,
This new and improved consumer.

Glorious Brand Architects,
This new and improved consumer -
New and improved to the power of ten,
Ten over infinity -
Guaranteed,
Always,
To give you their money back naturally,
One way or another.

Target Market:
Troll and flame,
Pitter-patter,
And,
Splatter:
Pavlovian parakeets on your platter.

Rest assured,
Your constantly evolving virus -
Your eternity -
Dissolves the new and improved consumer internally.
This sturdy deflowering perennial -
A whirling ricochet,
Shall out-of-control itself,
Watered from ledge rain,
Dripping up,
To nourish your bling-sentience,
Nowforever,
Nowforever.

So milk your desires,
Sentinel Bar Code Dancers,
And fire your solar flares!
Their puddle eyes truly reflect
all the glory of your glistening, gurning sun.

The rare fragrant moon
The scent of vacuum
The oud of eclipse
Nowforever,
Nowforever,
Amen.

Post Credit Crunch Age-Of-Austerity Poem (With Essential And Necessary Cut-Backs)

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