Sunday, 2 January 2011

Spring


'tis spring,
And the heavens cloak London a trampoline bouncing skyscreen baby-powder;
The deep-daylight-deep shimmering star-seamstresses twill wisp-silver floss;
The sheer missionary angel-wing awning weaves a porcelain floating fractal azure frieze,
Like surf waves for angels,
The stars are coral,
And the moon an extraterrestrial snow island.

And yet, and yet,
London in springtime,
Still feels, for all the world,
Like the devil has detached, and,
Lowered, then,
Dropped the motherload of his very stench-packed testicles -
His wizened, black-hole frazzled, dripping bollocks,
Over this putrid silver -
Dah! Dah!

For under this alien, harsh Iberia,
Even the most enchanting women, solarised, have the look of serial killers.

London is springtime glistening
a wasteland of office plastic plant forests and a treated shit-packed river.
Yes, once dolphins were witnessed swimming in the Thames:
Whales sometimes land on a beach:
Doesn't mean they're looking for real-estate.
I once saw a flying saucer over London -
See any aliens living here?

For springtime in London,
Is as pointless as wasps;
As pointless as lemmings in Holland;
As pointless as afternoons,
And just as harsh,
Just as harsh.
For who, but the most evil omnipotent,
Would invent something as death-affirming as afternoons?

Yes, I'm looking,
I'm really looking.
Afternoon springtime in London:
A yellow halo,
No. Correction: a golden halo, glistening resplendent, over
a navy cloak of magentas, indigos, and turquoises,
But, still, it feels as tender as maggots fucking in bleach;
As life-affirming as a suicide bomber at the dentist;
As soft-warm as a Texan execution chamber.
It feels like that,
But worse:
Baking-close.

Springtime in London:
The sap rises venereal.

Even the most devout Hari Krishna troupe,
Weeps,
Dancing only to tamborines beating out
Joy Division,
And only if they're feeling very positive,
And only when their third-eye is firmly scoping the escape hatch to Nirvana.

My cappuccino has the taste of dragon-teat effluvia:
A brown pro-plaque vortex suckling me into hell-lite.
This croissant crunches my teeth.
Solar flares ray-burn and cattle-prod necks and blind eyes
through tube's glaring cateract windows:
A demented kid-god lazers his butterflies through the public transport magnifying glass.
Dear Christ, water-board me back into the plunging darkness -
Into the rat-infested megalopolis of London's chez-Dracula subterranean lagoons.

The poor Thames mermaids burn,
I'm witness:
A police boat gurgles,
As the divers haul one over-cooked stark dying beauty in;
One even respectfully swims back out again to rescue her harp,
strangled by weeds..,

The saddest of strings still somehow strikes its notes.
The cruel switchblade sunlight catches the harp strings weeping ethereal,
Koh-i-Noor size dew-drop tears dripping.
This is too much.
I turn away,
....




Saturday, 20 November 2010

Crystal Orchards Scintillescent


The fire.
The fire decants hands warmer bluer.

The chiller-sky Thor ice-picks Wind Tunnel Alley raw;
Bolder flames entwine like heat-seeking lovers enfolding dispersing warmth.

A man of parchment and drip-dry tears and fingerless gloves stokes the fire;
The dowsing expires anaemic tangerine sparkler-arc streamer rosaries.

The night bowls howling ghost-wail-ricocheting sheet-steel whiplash;
Subterranean deep-freeze phantoms slice their life-likes on the run.

The almost people huddle dejected: paparazzi penguin waiters;
Winter fuel allowance: no tipping.

Frosted glass mirrored streets reflect flip-side-down illuminated orchards.
Grass crystal slivers underfoot shatter distant firework crackers.

The moon glimmers opaque iridescence;
The lunar ice-rink winks on her absolution scintillescent.

Soap-dish marbled streets delicate neon aura splashes;
Neapolitan car lights swarm, fan-out, fade, dissolve.

Dimpled mannequins slide out department stores;
Smeared perfumes vapour-trail heady-scented passionista moles.


Snake-charm takeaway-fumes chimney out expelling doorways.

Coriander, mint and charcoal insinuate meer cats' drunken garble-swirls.

Mister Shimmering Smog choo-choo's his Mini-Moog,
While snug-togged commuters, like spies, murmur incantatory mobile-Babel music.

Ding-a-ling.



Friday, 19 November 2010

Injure-a-lawyer4u


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An ambulance-chasing,
Litigation-whore lawyer?


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We,
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That's all we do.


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No win. No teeth.
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So.
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We even injure lawyers on Christmas Day!

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Wednesday, 17 November 2010


I can mime three songs at the same time.

This Be The Worst


They fucked you up, the baby boomers.
They didn't mean to, but they did.
But in turn,
We will really fuck-up their grand-kids.

This Sort Of Thing


The human brain:
A giant supercomputer -
100 billion nerve cells -
The same as the number of stars in our galaxy -
Each nerve cell a computer itself,
Connected with thousands of others.

What an astonishing miracle of nature,
What an astounding accident of creation.

So,
Can you show me how to open
this child-proof plastic vac-pack?
Ha! ha!
My astonishing miracle of nature,
Does not compute,
This sort of thing.




Monday, 15 November 2010

That Stings, Mused The Wasp


There's nothing so efficient,
As built-in obsolescence.

Saturday, 13 November 2010

National Institution


I have never watched the Gran National
So cruel and irrational
How spectators are able to derive pleasure
And cheer
As those poor bewildered creatures, whipped into fear
Die leaping those unforgiving, terrible and cruel fences
How jockeys live with themselves I've no idea
I mean, you wouldn't even treat a horse like that:

Animals




Thursday, 11 November 2010

Mexican Wave



"How many farmers are exploited for our frappuccino?
How many girls forced to forge those trainers?
How many die by arms bought from blood diamonds?
How many children are drowning in our red tides?
There's still so much exploitation everywhere!:

We don't see the cause and effect,
I call it Consumer Disconnect.."

A solemn silence settled,
As all the media
twattery around the glass table nodded.

With that -
Pleased with his peroration,
The hack,

Chopped,
Then vacuumed,
A couple of lines.



Saturday, 6 November 2010

New Interesting Times


The old uncertainties -

Swept away!
They're laughing now:
They slyly step back,
And salute,
The new ones raging through.

Brace yourselves,
For perfect storms -
For tidal waves.

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

The One That Got Away

w
w
a
a
a
I

Mermaids Wipe The Rain


In a nutshell
A hole-in-one
At the end of the day
The moon is the sun,
Squaring the circle
A smiling cat with the cream
For the dead
Sleep like fish
Counting sheep in your dream.

A bah-Humbug! Christmas carol
Unkiss your prince to a frog
Break out the pizza mints
Split your hair of the dog,
Bring back hanging
Keep our suits neat and tidy
An American princess for the President
That will do nicely.

We must cut our cloth in inverse proportion
To the bankers' fat arses,
And we must cut our cloth in inverse proportion
To the bankers' fat arses.
So,
Where are the gods tearing asunder
The Temples of Mammon? -
Selling toilet rolls to mermaids
To help them wipe the rain.


Which came first:
The bishop or the actress
The sacrament or sacrilege
The chicken or salmonella
Climate change or weird weather?
If the big-bang exploded
And tore open neo-natal space
Would a radio telescope catch the sound off God's face?
If the messiah had owned a washing machine
Would Da Vinci have faked the Turin Shroud?

For every line a nasal cloud
Successful slimmer a mirror cowed.

So,
Where are the gods tearing asunder
The Temples of Mammon? -
Selling toilet rolls to mermaids
To help them wipe the rain.