Totally Chilled

We should never take out our personal frustrations,
On our colleagues,
No. That's just plain wrong -
We should reserve that for the people we love!
Laughed the human resources consultant.
And with that,
Another conflict-management training day,
Was brought to a successful,
And enlightening conclusion.

And with a new spring in my step,
I bounded homeward,
Smiling.
And with the sun still shining,
And the birds still a-twittering,
(Like they do in happy, life-affirming poems),
I opened my door,
Ran up to my loved-ones,
And beat them to a pulp!

Laughing,
I then threw all their assorted,
And utterly defenceless furry pets,
Off the cliff!

And you know what?
When I went to work the next day,
I didn't let any work-colleague wind me up anymore,
And I took out my frustrations on no-one;
In fact all my frustrations seemed to have magically disappeared!

I felt totally chilled.
Just totally chilled.

Open Mike

Colder than a dentist's surgery
on a Monday morning,
In touch with his feminine side,
Like Genghis Khan on crack,
He's a stand-up comedian with a twinkle in his eye:
A jewel that sparkles,
With all the humanity,
Of mercury on baby-food.

More evil alien-reptilian-humanoid hybrid,
Than David Icke's worst fears,
He talks a slick game-show host,
His shtick wants to rip your asshole a new ear.
He hates because he cares,
About the cruelty of life,
He wants to open you
to his spiritual truth,
(And when you're not looking),
Open the legs of your wife.

Heterosexual Bishop Shocker

When gay bishops are "exposed",
Why are they only exposed in the Sunday tabloid press?
Do editors believe gay bishop "shock exposes",
Carry an especial resonance,
Appropriate for revelation,
Only on the Good Lord's day of rest?
Bless.

The day the Sunday papers expose,
And "out",
England's first heterosexual bishop "romp",
Well that truly will be a shocker!
Maybe they have a secret hetero-bishop hit-list,
But they're currently keeping mum,
Perhaps the twenty-first century,
Isn't yet able to deal,
With an heterosexual bishop's in flagrante delicto fun.

Broken-Heart Emoticon

Menu,
Messaging,
Write new,
Options,
Broken-heart emoticon,
Add,
Continue,
Recipient,
Send..

Your message read,
Your message deleted.

...No new messages

...No new messages

...No new messages

The end.

Vase

I broke their vase.
It wasn't easy.

"God I'm sorry" I said.

Well,
Good manners cost nothing.

A New Way Of Doing Jerusalem

"..and in the national interest,
We,
The politicians,
Feel duty bound,
To put aside,
Our petty differences,
And allegiances,
In order to reach a satisfactory compromise,
In this new spirit of unity,
That history demands of us,
In these precarious,
And uncertain,
Economic times.."

..And,
Eavesdropping,
In Westminster's secret connecting passageways,
The thronging, sinister Easter bunnies,
Cheered, danced and sang..

Sunglasses

If we had to soak in the colours,
Through our childhood eyes,
Even at night,
We would reach out for sunglasses.