A Labour Leadership Contest Candidate Reaches Out

conference
i've been a member for as long as i can remember
i've always believed in things recently..

we've had that traumatic election result
where we were all but wiped out in scotland and even london
they sent us a message
and the message they sent us was this..

..is that we need to stay in the centre
and this we need to remember
now and forever
the scots of the north wanted us to stay in the centre
and the zero-hours people of east and south london
and we let them all down

principles are reasonably necessary at least some of the time
principles though don't..
don't put secretaries on the table
don't put us in those positions..

the hard-working families
not the scroungers

the hard working families
not the scroungers
i can't say that enough

justice and fairness need to be balanced against financial constraints of the real world
we must have some justice and fairness
yes
but too much and we could end up..

fairness only makes sense if you have some unfairness
justice only happens when you have injustice
so we need some unfairness and injustice
but only moderate unfairness and injustice
that's the new third way
you could call it a fourth third way
the new new labour way
if you vote for me
i pledge i will try and deliver that pledge not a promise
a pledge that together we will
fight for uh..

and let's hear it for the hard-working families
not the scroungers
i'm surprised i haven't said that already..
 
we need to defend our country against threats
that's why i promise
the only promise i will make to you conference
that come hell or high water
i will waste no more that one hundred billion pounds on trident
and if more than one hundred billion pounds is wasted i will be very cross indeed
that's the kind of tough-talking labour leader i will be
prudent with your money
i will try to waste no more than one hundred billion pounds on trident
remember we still live in a post-austerity austerity society
that will be with us an eternity
a cruel world of uncaged disbelief requires someone like me
to be sensible with your trident money..

at this point i would like to reach out to uh
the demographic hard-working families
not the scroungers
 
yes people like houses
i like houses too
they're great
some people live in houses
i would like more people to live in those houses
but we need to defend ourselves first
and then we can have people in houses
people need to feel secure in houses
and the best way of doing that
is to spend one hundred billion pounds
but not a penny more
on trident
not houses

may i mention at this point
the hard-working families
not the scroungers

imagine if you will
that the economy is a gateau
you know one of those german not french ones
a black forest gateau
with cream on the top and a chocolate base
and some sprinkled icing on the sides
nice isn't it?
well no it isn't
because if you sit on that gateau
and i mean that not in the literal sense
but by squashing it
the cream in the gateau squirts out the side doesn't it?
well we need to promise that to the electorate
we need to present ourselves as trustworthy with that black forest gateau cake..

conference i promise to you this
that i will not squirt your cream out of your cake dish
not even literally
i will not sit on that cake
because that is your cream
and your cake
i will put that cake in the fridge
and it won't be a german fridge
it will be a british fridge
but a british fridge that celebrates
this is 
this is the vision that i see
conference i am the new credible authentic alternative
to the other candidates for leadership
that say similar things to me..

and please let's hear it for
the hard-working families
not the scroungers..

Bigotry Inc.

Bigotry Inc.

We are Bigotry Inc
Bigotry is an Equal Opportunities Employer
Whatever your religion
Whatever your creed
Whatever your politics
Whatever your class or caste or clan
Whatever your flag waving spam
Whatever your skin colour
Whatever your so called truth and facts and historical spin
Bigotry Inc welcomes you in
Wilful Ignorance here is very much not a sin
Every lie gets laid and gets in
Selective amnesia is Dream

Bigotry Inc is an Equal Opportunities Employer
We positively welcome all your demons and shills and belittlers and destroyers
We recognise that all groups and sub cultures and sects
Have as much right to celebrate their hate and prejudice and fear
As any other
It is all cleared

Different demagogues for different demographics
Bigotry Inc is flexible and plastic
Bigotry Inc prefers the measures drastic
The mobs the vigilantes the prophets of the anti
The ones who need to save us from the outsiders of ourselves
Where the moral high ground lead down to the gates of hell
Where the slippery slope is our wishing well
Where the silken sheath hides the noose man's rope
Where every fist has its blessing pope
Where every god will anoint the righteous
Follow the promised land to burning tyres
Where oil kisses fire
Where music grapples piano wire
The scent of blood desired

Every group has its day
Some more than others we have to say
But that's okay
Because in every system there's an overlord that owns
Every village has buried bones
Every culture sticks and stones
Beliefs cloned
Finessed and forged anew
Hello and goodbye you and you and you
Adieu

Bigotry Inc resends the unbroken spell
Appropriately reviewed for the different ages and epochs and eras
Forge the burning speakers
Stoke the cheer leaders
Ready the tears and save the cut and paste hysteria
We at Bigotry Inc will always be here
No fear
Smell the fever
Drink the beer

We at Bigotry Inc
Have been the most successful organisation since man crawled out a fish
We have always gifted the entitlement to stomp and twist
We at Bigotry Inc
Love all bigotry
No hate is too big or too small
None too ridiculous
No superstition too superstitious
All maliciousness is just delicious
All hateful fictions build our empires nutritious
Bigotry Inc is felicitous to earth's multi-variant piss artists

We are the human race
We are every night fable of every face
You have the right to hate
As do those you call they
And so do they
It's funny it slays us too
Come on in
And join the fun
Don't analyse or empathise
There's enough bigotry here for everyone

We at Bigotry Inc are always ahead of the curve
We know how to operate the myths' reflexive nerve
With verve
To project and serve
We are the lines that light the words that burn
And guarantee we never learn

If Wordsworth Suffered From Hay Fever

I wandered lonely as a cloud
But started sneezing so went back home..

 

The Goddess Of The Clickbait

she'll say something bad
because she's the goddess of the clickbait
she'll get the lubrication
lols thumbs-up love and hate
pavlov's date
kiss her crumbs
make her make her a multi-millionaire
that's really all she wants

she'll say something waaay
because she's the goddess of the clickbait
make her day
react share comment wait
suckle from her putrid lair
the bread and circus vultures pray
make her make her an opinion maker
a mainstream outlier legislator

react - she wins
hate her - she wins
love her - she wins
comment - she wins
she wins - she wins
she loses - she wins
as invisible puppeteers..

..set the dials to maximum distraction
fast-breed the trolls for the alchemical reaction
a fukushima of lost souls - sold
to the demagogues broking the new philistine code

and let us build this promised land
a promised land fit for nero
let us dance programming this chemtrailers' art
lols thumbs-up love and hate


 

Selfie Suicide

And yes, he jumped.
So they took their selfies,
And agreed he was selfish.
Laughing, they carried on..