Some aliens believe that the so-called Roswell crash
was fake.
So fake!
Fake, because, for one, their flying saucers are not capable of crashing,
and for two, because there is no intelligent life on earth!
Or even stupid life,
Or even really really stupid life,
Although some disagree,
And say that a little really really dreary stupid life might exist there.
But please don't quote me on that,
As I heard all this while having an out-of-body experience,
Like you do.
I had no poems to write that lunch break.
And as I floated above their planet,
(Actually I was in one of their bars),
I heard the alien conspiracists surmise:
How could our transcendental space cadets be taken by earth's military
when earth has no military?
Have you ever seen a earthling saucer leave orbit? Exactly!
Those rocket things are only photographic anomalies!
How can something shaped like a rocket even fly?
They aren't even round or oblong or triangle!
Sheesh..do I need to go on?
They smoked back another psychedelic octopus chaser,
While checking out the groovy penguin dancers rocking the HoloYacht magic carpets.
Yeah baby!
One alien conspiracist continued,
..so look closely at the so-called Roswell crash images,
Don't they all look so suspiciously staged,
Our military-abduction complex at it again,
Convincing us that intelligent life on that stupid planet exists,
All to steal my and your triffid credits -
All for their non-existent stupid trips.
Listen, none of our dolphins were even in that crashed saucer,
I bet they got plastic surgery and are living the high life in Arcturus;
Our emperor found out so got the laser in one of her two heads,
Front and to the right, front and to the right.
Ozwoz Zarvey was the patsy on the Platinum Hill,
Yet, the Xowzer was fired from the incarnation repository -
Snagg Ruby was their well-connected shill!
Earth: empty, barren, ugly,
With a poisonous atmosphere.
Those photos of pyramids,
Are just weathered rocks and shadows.
Now you tell me, how can anything live in an atmosphere of poisonous nitrogen?
How can any flowers grow without Helium 3, and diamond rain?
Didn't you go to science class Two Brains!?
You've been smoking too many of those drinks my orange haired friend.
What's more, the gravity on earth would flatten life like a pancake.
The oceans are full of weird blue water.
And there's not enough methane.
Now what in the name of our Goddess can live in water?
Not one plasma lake in sight!
And not one place on that godforsaken rock can escape
it's violent blinding moonlight.
Yeah, yeah we've read the reports:
Beings live there who have only one head (one head!) who can talk!
Animals with four legs that horizontally walk. Lol!
Give. Us. A. Break.
And get yourself an education before it's too late.
Wow check out that penguin on the left,Ain't she gorgeous?
Man how I'd love to have hamsters with her..
