How I Defeated A Buy-To-Let Landlord

Oh I didn't
I didn't defeat a buy-to-let landlord
Not one so much as once

Yet
Lo
I have this poem
So we can call it a draw

I didn't defeat a buy-to-let landlord
Not so much as once so..

So I have this poem
A low-fi kind of poetry Lo
For a lo-fi kind of draw

Now indulge me for moments and ponder this
If every poet were able to defeat buy-to-let landlords
Where would poetry be
Nowhere near poetry

With quality kitchen units of Atlantian crystal
Colour coded en-suite lapis lazuli bathrooms
A delightful cacophony of blue hue iridescence
Studded rhinestones blaze
Amaze the child-minders

And what about.. 

A heart-shaped swimming pool with Icelandic steam sauna 

A triple-aspect air-conditioned jade balcony towering above 

your cavernous multi-level sprawling basement 

Such subterranea-fracking de-rigueur
                                                     in Kensington and Chelsea

Italian marble decking for the dodo birdcage..

Luxury Persian carpets and cats 

Luxury cats 

Their fur 

Like satin Venusian clouds 

The textured weave of orchids' gossamer petals 

Shimmery Arctic summer
Oenomel nectar dewy

Subdued chandeliers lightly dot the mezzanine 

Tear drop spotlights hang
                              outside your offspring's garden ziggurat 

Quartz snooker table 

Conch-shaped rabbit hutches 

Elgin Marbles 
Koh-i-Noor 
Faberge

Well you must know where I am going with this 

You surely must 

As some of you have known me through poetry since 2009 

International soul-minds now meshed
                                                                 intricately aligned
                                                                        oftentimes

Seven years is longer than most buy-to-let tenancies 

Indeed longer than most intimate relationships  

Most jobs most friendships 

Most government inquiries 

Most 

Syrian children's lifespans.. 

2009  

There will never quite be another 

Unless a new messiah arrives 

Then we will have another 2009 

2010 years after he is crucified
  

Crucified by the media this time 
That is unless the new messiah is media-manufactured 

A media-manufactured messiah 

Won't be crucified 

Certainly not by the media 

Until the appointed time and hour.. 

Then shall be 

And we will join in the deeming

Because we won't want to feel outside of things 

As we are social animals

One manifestation of the social animal in the early 21st century 

Chickens and eggs atavism
Gonzo tabula rasa
The shapeless mandate 
The flesh-on-pixel drones lock-and-load
             copulate
                         the hand-me-down copy-and-paste


We throw the stones 

As the quarrymen blast rocks from thrones

The ghostly reflections of the unchosen

Rippling fall
Often opaque outside our glassed-in knolls

He turns water into wine 

So encourages irresponsible drinking 

He gives away free loaves of bread 

Knowing carbohydrates trigger obesity 

He forgives all sinners
But will he cure their diabetes

He is politically correct gone mad 

He hangs out with a prostitute 

So I ask you 

What more needs to be said 

                                            The feminist

And 2009 years' or so ago 

There would have been a poet 

Musing similarly

Holding a quill wearing a toga 

Although I have no idea  how a quill is able to wear a toga 

One of those lost arts

                                       did I just spill my poem inside your champagne.. 

A poet living in affordable opulence 

Would look around themselves askance 

And muse 

I really must let go of this childish versifying thing 

It no longer seems.. 
                          It no longer seems...

Leaning there 

Against your quartz snooker table 

Poetry not very fitting 

For a distinguished human being  

Of your economically elevated status and bearing 

Once in a lifetime..

 My God what have I done..* 

                                                                                     
Lo 

Buy-to-let landlords 

This is my poem dedicated to you 

And 

To whatever religion or spirituality you belong 

An infinite shower of blessings 

You are the divine unicorn incarnate 
You stoke us wild with creativity

               The embittered poets sated 
                           Such as me myself and me 

You embody and personify the rarest nobility 

You are both spiritual and religious And that must not be easy

Buy-to-let landlords 

You really humble this poet  

              with your sure-footed power shower benefaction action
      

Buy-to-let landlords 

You only rip us off to inspire 

You are all from head-to-toe soaked drenched 

Stumbling out the bedazzled dairy
The very dairy of human kindness 

The very goats 

The very camels 

The very cows..

Milk 

Asses milk
Old Testament asses milk 

The best kind 

The only kind.. 

Forget high street asses milk 

This asses milk puts high street asses milk in the shade 

Asses don't make asses milk like they used to 

Although their goats milk 

is perfectly reasonable
   

Honey dew melons 

Fig trees 

Baby dolphins squeak splashing inside their pools
Your Emperor penguins playfully frolick 

                inside your walk-in fridge/freezers

Buy-to-let landlords 

Your property ours for an unreasonable fee 

And perhaps more unreasonably 

I encourage you all to please charge ever more unreasonably 

For it would inspire us poets more I'm sure 

Although I concede that's only me being greedy
Greedy for your gifts of melancholy 
And yes
For this greed 
This strange gluttony

I feel ashamed

Buy-to-let landlords
Forgive me..    

 

* "Once in a Lifetime" by Talking Heads