Why Twenty-First Century Suicides Sometimes Go Postal

 

so tell me a little about yourself..

so why did you apply for this vacancy
tell me about your relevant skill set
what is your biggest weakness
what do you most enjoy about this kind of work
what do you least enjoy about this kind of work
how must you deal with a really difficult but very important client
are you willing to be on-call at short notice
where do you see yourself in six months
as you know xxx are recognised as the leaders in the xxx industry
bearing this in mind why should xxx choose you over the other applicants..

here are some lateral questions for you..
so you are stranded on a desert island..
and not blaming anyone else
please tell me why you ended up there
what mistakes did you make
what did you do wrong
and what are your key learnings going forward..

imagine now that you are in a maximum security prison cell
there is no chance of escape
once every week you are given a small piece of string
why should that interesting offer fill you with hope..

now imagine that you have an upside-down garden gnome in front of you
sell it to me without in any way being frivolous or humorous or entertaining..

what is your biggest secret
one that you have not shared with anyone else
the more shameful and humiliating the better
unburden yourself..

one of our team-building exercises include playing russian roulette
russian roulette but only with a taser
how do you feel about that
and tell me why such an exercise builds character..

are you willing to sign our ten page non-disclosure agreement
our legally binding en-de-ay..

okay the interview is over
you may relax
well done..

so yes i am delighted to offer you the position
so how do you feel..

so you will start off on a rolling weekly contract
one that can be terminated at any time
but if you are successful and manage to stay the course
and pass the six month probationary period
we will be able to offer you
a rolling monthly contract for as long as you are required
if we have to terminate your rollong monthly contract
rest assured we will have to give you a full week of pay
how does all that sound..

congratulations and welcome aboard
you are one of the few who made the grade
you know it is not often a chance like this comes up
be proud..