Dear Reader,
Reading time will be at least twenty minutes.
down and out
drowned inside the images of this rules-based order dawning
unceremoniously marched to a meeting room by a sashaying demon
i was summoned to appear before a grave senior manager..
not one of your semicolons have preferred pronouns
not. one.
not. one.given a smidgen of safe space to self-identify
not. one. of. them.
yes we noticed..
please sit down..
and please do not try to self-justify..
i had to sit down after hearing that
indeed the chair i sat on also needed a chair to sit on..
the high strangeness continued unabashed..
i chose your semicolons charitably
semicolons oh so slyly sliden
nestled forested within your moon/jejune vocabulary
i could have gone for all your full stops
there were plenty aquaplaning there
as kind as i am to all living punctuation you are not..
the grave senior manager gazed at a militant-level lavender tea bag
and as he held it up to the anglepoise lamp like a bag of precious gems
grazing knuckles rubbed the perforations sniffed
he continued
we have this held in abeyance
in abeyance yellow-carded as a colonistic micro aggression
i believe you were offered training for this
we are offering you this again
bespoke tailored to your..special
needs
yours specifically
accept this time please
and no use pretending you have not taken the jab
tuesday nine ayem
yet again the trainer has been apprised and primed and is ready to..
..is ready to..receive you..
utterly discombobulated and bewildered a million squared
in a cyclonic vacuum to home i traipsed
a basketball of spruced up cat hair-thoughts spiked my clouted head
the conversation replayed again and again without end..
the pavements i swum beneath dove the rising moon quicksand teeming
not one of your semicolons have preferred pronouns..
not one of them given a smidgen of safe space to self-identify..
there hiding in plain sight
lay so vividly displayed the what-nature of some ludicrous consciousness
already fallen rising..
and what on earth is living punctuation..
i could not recall ever watching living punctuation on attenborough
i could not make sense of any of it
what was all that meant to mean..
searching for guidance at home that evening meditating
i connected with a vedic ascended master
his third eye only shrugged
advised me to welcome this as yet another spiritual test
oh no not again i groaned and protested
but he casually waved me away with his usual scratch-and-sniff cursory blessing
thus resigned to my fate off the next morning to the training i went..
******************************************
the meeting room i was sent to was vast and bare
i heard a noise
sounded almost like a voice
i was the only one there.. can you hear me..
after a few minutes waiting
the door clicked closed behind me
and i beheld the facilitator
she advised me not to be scared
and for some strange reason that made me feel very scared..
your semicolons we will champion
soon all this will only seem fathomless
to those lacking the required empathy
though that will not be tolerated or excused..
to use a forbidden term the facilitator appeared all female
not tattooed or studded but demure and elegant
that threw me off somewhat and i sensed she guessed my confusion
she smiled and sniffed confounding the given lazy stereotype i bought into
then she pointed at the screen with her laser pen..
right..a little bit about myself
yes i am female and heterosexual
i like men..there..i said it..
now that really threw me..
she smiled continuing..
of course we know that semicolons cannot have preferred pronouns
we know that any form of punctuation cannot self-identify
even in this day and age that would be ridiculous..
though we know you have noted young children are encouraged now
to not only self-identify but to reassign..
she gazed at me..
taking my cue i asked so what is all this about
what is really going on here..
she advised me to think laterally..
to that i probably laughed or threw my hands in the air..
think of the analogy of boiling a frog..
simmer it slowly to a boil
and no surprise it does not jump out the pan..
after a beat the facilitator continued
and through various technologies we have soul-mapped you
we noted you demurred even stepping in for a gentle lukewarm bath
yes you received the memo but then you shredded it..alas..
we are not asking you to believe any of this
only to pretend to
is that so difficult..
apart from the sexualising children aspect
with the rest okay i will comply i replied
and as i picked up my coat to leave she laughed
oh no not so quick i will note your remark
but please sit down
i have not finished..
as you know the uk no longer has much of a manufacturing industry
and we are hopeful that our banking sector will collapse later this year
later this year..fairly precipitously
so we need to plan for a mad max-style world economy
i hope you begin to sense where i am going with this
we intend to pull the rug from under everything
in every way
it will be a noble calling
a noble calling to lead the flock to exude stranger ways..
you see for reasons i cannot not divulge here
the world population is scheduled to collapse wondrous
wondrous..
bread and circuses soon to be mostly circuses
not imminently i am reliably informed so please do not fear
meaning you should be all right for at least another..
she turned away toward her voice trail..
thing is..
we need to make ourselves fit-for-purpose
create industries we can excel in
for example biomechanoid intelligence is one of them
or the bleeding edge work researched at porton down and cern
i can skip this if you wish..
no i replied perplexed though intrigued
i asked the facilitator to please go on..
so you know about porton down the facilitator asked
i replied yes it is five miles from salisbury
mythical novichok-land..
and cern is the large hadron collider near geneva
i am not sure exactly what they do there..
well it is a particle accelerator she replied
but beyond the pr it is used to tap into other dimensional realms
already we have discovered and reached into alternative universes
and managed to pull in some of their resources
which we are busy finessing and manipulating
to succumb to our utopian ends..
the point is we have managed to imprint a kind of consciousness
a kind of consciousness onto everything
and every kind of inanimate..object..
will thrive in this society where stones are to be your loving pets
and where certain kinds of liquids your benign partners and..
..and initiating masters..
the silence that fell between us was like floors of stacked night collapsing
i was so uncomprehending
soon we will live in a society where stones are to be your loving pets
and where certain kinds of liquids your benign partners/initiating masters..
i could not tell whether she was mocking me
or being serious
i wanted to be hugged by a fluffy bear
or failing that i wanted to jump off from the tallest building..
would you like a comfort break the facilitator delicately enquired
yeah that would be great i anxiously replied..
after the break the facilitator prodded
you probably have a question or two..
and i asked with a fatalistic sigh
what is the most important thing i need to know..
need to know and understand at this time..
the facilitator pondered
and then with a finger drew a diagonal line..
at the appointed date and time
we wish to nominate you as the semicolon ally
we will facilitate you a heartfelt damascene conversion
and broadcast you conversing with every kind of sentient punctuation..
eventually you will marry a semicolon fashioned from an alternative realm
or if you prefer you may marry a full stop or a comma
soon none of these things shall be regarded as extremely strange
or worse still fatuously decreed as unholy perversions
but merely new norms reflecting our ascension..
multi-dimensional stakeholders sublime
the sparkling black hole dance floor we shall tap-dance
circumventing the mind our grand upskilled inversions
higher than the stars
designed finer than creation shall scintillate..
the timetable has been set
the scripts of our sceptics fine-tuned and polished
this enfeebled controlled opposition shall be plastic injected
to be obliterated
by our dimmer-switcher fanatical pop culture moulded sculptors..
and in a very believable way you shall also be inserted
as part of the strategic infantry for this fresh order..
oh and please do not ask why we are doing all this
without offending we know you will not understand..
that we are doing this because..
because..we can..
after collecting my thoughts atomised
i asked the facilitator whether i would be offered a choice
she replied i will offer you that illusion
for if you opt to say no and try to walk away
the end result would be exactly the same
through electronic warfare we could brainwash you anyway
to be programmed and activated
or we would allow you to simply implode and implode
fractured inside ever-looping spiralled deja vu..
you could be sent on a one-way ticket returned to another realm
for we have an exchange programme with..them..
or you could do the wiser thing and volunteer
remember you only have to pretend to believe
at least that part really is up to you..
i responded no thanks i will take my chances
and as i got up to leave
the facilitator replied
let us circle back and see
a gentle taster of what might be..
be prepared..
tonight after you fall asleep..
you soon will know what i mean
please realise it will be real and not a dream
and you will not recall anything i have mentioned to you here
and linear time will not mean a thing
past present and future will be so last year..
i locked my front door
i gargled with and then swallowed a fistful of elephant knock-out pills
i screwed ear plugs tightly in my ears
then i pulled the bed covers right over me
i clutched a new baseball bat in one hand
though felt only as gangster as a ping pong champion
and then and only then i allowed myself to enter sleep
so slowly..so very slowly..
******************************************
i found myself in the centre of a vast and packed-full amphitheatre
i was sat on a chair in the centre of a rostrum
and no more than two metres looking away from me
stood a human-size exclamation mark..
the exclamation mark seemed almost gendered
though i asked myself how can that be
it wore an elegant flowing scarlet dress
and a strange apparatus suspended over its head
which looked like a lampshade made of spinning coloured glass..
the exclamation mark looked out to the audience
the audience made up of all kinds of strange animate shapes
all in exotic dress complete with diadems
with a flourish the exclamation mark turned to them..
welcome back
our next guest is a so-called human being
part of the exchange programme we have with..them..
the demure exclamation mark floated above me..
welcome human..being..welcome
let us start by discussing the current controversy..
so human being please answer
please answer this..
why should we provide toilets for human beings here
for we understand there are no toilets provided yet
for any living punctuation guests in your realm over there
please explain..
i could only splutter out
i had no idea where i was
and i had no any idea what living punctuation is
or knowledge of living punctuation in my realm
or what realm meant
or why so-called living punctuation require toilets..
my statement was met not only with utter disgust and disbelief
but the most derisive and uproarious and mocking audience laughter
the demure exclamation mark archly raised its one eyebrow
my goodness
so-called living
punctuation you say
and we are told to celebrate that we are you and you are us
that we are all in this together
allies with purpose
yet you archly claim that living punctuation does not exist in your realm
and clearly you do not even pretend to empathise
as to why we might require specialised toilets
the exclamation mark turned to the audience and mimed WOW
anyway we know the truth
i already interviewed your senior line manager..
i replied that i had no idea what my senior line manager meant
when he upbraided me for not giving my semicolons preferred pronouns
again i asked the exclamation mark if it would explain to me
what living punctuation is and why they require washroom facilities
and why not comprehending or not complying
is the sin for which i have been sent here
wherever here is
i asked if this was a punishment or some kind of purgatory..
a punishment a purgatory
the exclamation mark acted horrified..
and there was a sharp intake of breath from the audience
the palpable shock rippled through the amphitheatre
the sentient shapes twisted and screamed blue murder
for they felt insulted their home i had described as my punishment..
insult upon insult
this will not stand
human reprobate
your time is at hand
to you the audience i ask
should this heretic human being hang..
the entire amphitheatre screamed YESSSS
some chanted HANG IT HANG IT HANG IT
then i was roughly pulled off my chair
to be dragged across the stage
as terrifying coronets screeched and belted and blasted..
to rapturous cheers a neon gallows rose slowly off the floor
then a rope was pulled tightly around my neck
the exclamation mark smirked her treppaning smile
there and then i realised
as tears welled up and stung my eyes
i was about to meet my ignominious end..
the exclamation mark enquired any last words human being
human being soon-to-be-human fairly dead
shocked on hearing her words
the reality of my situation really hit me there and then
stunned and utterly defeated
i only could shake my head despairing
so alone so abandoned and so confused and devastated i felt
becoming ever more terrified the more i struggled for breath..
there was an excruciatingly slow countdown from ten to one
though the audience was having fun..
as i closed my eyes waiting for zero..
ONE…………………..ZERO.
the trapdoor gave way beneath me
a snap to silence
welcomed me to a lived eternity of nothing..
***********************
suspended in grey nothingness i float
i have only hazy memories of who i am or was
i have a vague feeling i may have done something very wrong
is it some kind of bleed-through flashback
or am i going mad
this is not a test..
meditate
try to remember
can you hear...
..i might not be the only one here
the space i sit in is vast and bare..
i hear a door click closed behind me
i behold someone
the facilitator
the facilitator advises me not to be scared
and for some strange reason that makes me feel dreadfully scared..
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