God, Save Bored King Charles And Perhaps Save Yourself

a lip-reader claimed
king charles muttered this is boring
during the exciting and breathless build up to his coronation..

you see there was a very terrible unexpected short delay
so he had to endure an entire few minutes of wait
an. entire. few. minutes. of. wait.
while stationed outside the abbey
and all while trapped inside his diamond jubilee state coach
gazing out his window he observed oh-so-wearily 
this is boring..

so let it be written
trapped inside his unbearably lukewarm diamond jubilee state coach 
probably without air conditioning
he proclaimed
this is boring..

even while wearing silk gloves
the gold leaf filigree must have felt unforgivably tepid to the touch
imagine the embarrassment if even only one of his fingers caught finger-flu
think about how majesty magazine would have had to brush over all that..

so he languished there
inside his diamond jubilee state coach
for a few unearthly minutes
poor multi-trillionaire servant of the people king charles
is this the way to treat this top mason self-appointed defender of all faiths..

and how jangled would you feel if you had to handle such boredom
and all while trapped inside your diamond jubilee state coach
and for whole entire minutes
probably without air conditioning
or acces to netflix
or pornhub
or playful kittens on youtube
probably with no wi-fi inside
perhaps no airbags either
i would probably die of desperate ennui 
what about you..

so shame on us
shame on all of us
we must hang our heads low in shame
think of the empire
think also of the b-list celebrities
the selfless bee-list celebrities
who showed more patience than waxworks inside the abbey
all because of the unnecessary few minutes of delay
what would jesus say
not that he would be invited on that holiest of royal days..

dear bored king charles
please know
many of us felt your this is boring pain that day
but how we were all thrilled
thrilled and excited and enthralled and humbled and et cetera..
while watching the endless weeks of round-the-clock royalist propaganda news
in the run up to your corona-tion..

and on that marvellous day
how we patriotically waved our plastic made in china flags
while joyfully offering theological instruction to god
man woman child cat dog all
we all sobbed god save the king..

and dear god if you are listening to us now
for godsake god
save the king..

god
are you listening
save the king from everything
but especially from ever having to suffer unmitigated boredom again
for entire whole minutes
ideally fewer than two
really this is the least you could do
we really do not want to ever have to ask you again
so god save the king from everything
including but not limited to
being bored for an entire few unbroken minutes..

on the plus side
you do not need to ever save anyone else in creation from anything
anyone ever from anything
from mild death to serious boredom
so god please be reasonable
save the king
everyone else in the entire universe
you can throw in the karmic recycling bin
what a bargain
you see we are always reasonable
so god you should be too
now get on with it
you may thank us later
for god if you save the king
our king who is your king might save you..