Emergency Post-Covid-19 Celebrities In Need Appeal (Prose Poem)

              
              Stereotypical charity appeal voiceover
                              slow and saccharine
                 emoting and slightly condescending:

In these harsh post-Covid-19 times, celebrities again are in need.
In need now. In need more now than ever. In Real need. Again..

And because celebrities are in real need - more now than ever -
celebrities need to be seen to be needed more than ever..

They don’t want divine intervention. That’s the last thing they want..

Celebrities want -need - only your time and money - and love.
Don't be critical, do be grateful..

Now look, really look into all the tired, needy celebrities’ eyes -
their globular pufferfish lost golf ball eyes..

Celebrities - frozen-out, huddling now like frowning penguins..

And the swirling Antarctic sleet that pulverises
is your banishing perverse indifference toward them..

That's not nice, is it?

Bewildered, bereft, faces like collapsed cauliflowers.
Their sagging bodies begging for urgent Botox intervention.
Their angelic Harley Street practitioners crying
reaching out for your urgent help and support..

So where has your compassion gone?
Which far-distant galaxy did it escape to? Where, civilian?

How do you think celebrities feel right now - knowing?
Knowing..Knowing that painfully ordinary people - like you -
in these harsh post-Covid-19 times
are not acknowledging their intimate and delicate celebrity needs?

Celebrity. Needs..

You see, celebrities need celebrities’ needs. And you don’t.
Celebrities need celebrities’ needs. Let this be your mantra..

So, so we need to ask ourselves this one critical question:
In this hopefully post-Covid-19 world
should our cruel abandonment of celebrities
really be a part of this so-called “new normal”?
Is this civilised? No, of course it isn’t..

Is this really why our great-grandparents fought Mister Hitler?
Is this really why our favourite deity lived or died?
Is this really why we bombarded Iraq, Libya on lies?
No. No, of course not..

I mean, what exactly is normal about not caring about celebrities? Nothing. That’s right.
Nothing is normal about not caring about celebrities.
Nothing. Nothing at all..

And it’s your fault British celebrities’ egos are starving right now.
And because of you, their egos face total fractal-annihilation
for they are not Buddha..

Your fault? Yes. For instance -
When was the last time you devoted yourself to a celebrity -
any celebrity?
Or when was the last time you gazed up at a celebrity
as they tenderly talked about themselves?
Or when was the last time you really needed
to attitudinise in-sync
with their fluffy vanity-flavoured identity politics branding?

And when was the last time you offered and dedicatedyour money and your time
to a celebrity film or TV show or album
or ghost-written autobiography or cosmetic product?

So, you can see now how you have let them down. And badly.
Badly let them down. Down badly badly down..
Interrogate yourself: What have I done today to help a celebrity?  
That’s right. What have I done today to help a celebrity?
This is the most important question on your life:
What have I done today to help a celebrity?
The answer you give defines you..

Then ask:
How, today, have I let a celebrity know how much I adore them
and cherish their very existence's very essence
more vital and meaningful than my paltry pointless own?

When was the last time I gave a celebrity my time?
When was the last time I gave a celebrity my money?
And when was the last time I gazed up in awe
as a TV celebrity opined on a cleared and vetted off-the-peg cause
cynically generated and contrived to manipulate public opinion
their fame-whore manufactured persona shills out for - for you with love?


*******************************************

Don’t despair.
The Emergency Post-Covid-19 Celebrities in Need Appeal is here..

You see
Celebrities in Need has always been here to help you help a celebrity
A celebrity in need.

So let’s go back in time and see a different future.
Not for you, for them.
For them, it could still be wonderful..

And think about this, too:
If we all gave only one pound a day
to the Emergency Post-Covid-19 Celebrities in Need Appeal
we would raise enough to pay for every last British celebrity
to have no-expense-spared free holidays
in exclusive five-star celebrities-only resorts of their choice 
no less than three times a year, every year; flying first class
thus shielded and fire-walled safe from the riff-raff - you..

Now isn’t that amazing? Doesn’t that feel good?
Of course it does. It should.
Gently pat your own head as a reward..

And. If we all gifted just one pound a day
to our Emergency Post-Covid-19 Celebrities in Need Appeal
that would be enough to pay for one full year’s supply
of purest quality cocaine for each and every celebrity who needs it..

Imagine too if we fed champagne and hand-made Belgian chocolates
to every real British celebrity.
Every. Last. One.

After all, you don’t need hand-made Belgian chocolates, do you?
British celebrities do. Especially after Covid-19.

And, there's more:
If you choose to gift just five-thousand pounds a year
to this Emergency Post-Covid-19 Celebrities in Need Appeal
you will receive at least one postcard from a celebrity on holiday
letting you know how they are getting on..

In addition, you will also receive an autograph from a celebrity
painstakingly photocopied by their PA -
a real genuine-looking autograph - just for you.
How about that?

And, there’s more: You will also receive - as a reward -
an exclusive opinion of a celebrity on any subject of their choice.
This will help feed their drowning octopus ego. 
Go on. You know you want to..

So now you know.
Join Celebrities in Need now. Celebrities are in this together.
You can join them - at a very far distance, in spirit - one pound a day..

Now, imagine if we all are kind enough to help this vulnerable cohort
what an immeasurable difference it would make
make to their lives’ starving egos..

Celebrities in Need:
Helping raise awareness of celebrities’ complex needs
in these post-Covid-19 times..

And let's not forget we could have a second wave
followed by a third wave of Covid-19..

And Covid-20 could be along soon after
so we need to be funded, prepared for that..

And let's not even mention Covid-21..

You aren’t wonderful, but celebrities are.
So without sparing any critical thought, please give generously today..

And remember, celebrities need celebrities’ needs.
Celebrities in Need.


Thank you.