Ladies And Gentlemen You Will No Longer Be

 

poet of testicle ~
never assume one/two-testicle ownership is for men only
poet of uterus ~
non-females will have the right-to-uterus(TM) and to be with child
poet of cyborg spirituality ~
never say artificial intelligence-enhanced poet
poet of déjà vu sensibility ~
never say predictable/cliché-ridden/identarian poet
poet of leveraged levity ~
never say witless/humourless poet..

poet of diabetes-positivity ~
let us celebrate the sugar-challenged lifestyle together
poet of thwarted talent characteristics ~
never say overrated/crap poet
poet of creative privilege ~
never say talented poet
poet of atonality ~
never say monotone or boring poet
poet of colour/bame poet ~
never forget to lump together recognise all non-white poets so..

First World Problems

 

those thrums are her heartstrings sympathising
her beat disclosing
as she so gently closes the back door
self-metamorphosing
and the moonlight introduces the sunrise..

the digital world clocks the analogue
deadlines
yet this man is not a machine not a device
he knows the risk assessment
the imprisoning kind of self-denial..

to be
but oftentimes we simply have no choice
vision realised only in fevered dreams
the wish to seem to be
satiating the spirit with dream addiction
first world problems..

first world problems
get drunk on spit
extinguish your fire
generate credit-debt the trinkets bill and return to buyer trip-wired
first world problems..

time-out for sense gratification
ding-ding ego thrills and spills
the psychic corollary to that ponzi scheme
the status traps and all the pulp fiction
the guilt trips
and where restriction generates stagnation
inevitably resentment wretchedly rides in
all fabulous ways to encase your restless spirit
so what about it
and what of it..

of your spirit the spirit
your soul spirit your heart
maybe you should you bin it
as it breathes you
tumbles with you
being in reflective moments gently whispering
in resignation and self-abandonment screaming
first world problems
look how vain
i should be content surviving
who the hell do i think i am
discontent
thinking again
time to put away such childish things
first world problems..

so dear spirit shut-up animating
shut-up trying to sing
self-actualisation yeah pretty words for pretty words
but what does that nonsense even mean
i mean really
only that it is a self-delusional myth
peddled by kidult schemers with no responsibilities
gazing through skylights
following their own  crumbs in basements
first world problems
for clowns who believe in father christmas..

should i
redefine nihilistic annihilation as transcendence
to benchmark and plot and test
my new mantra could be
i must resist myself
i must resist myself
it would be so much easier than resisting all else
perhaps i could read this as a strange kind of spiritual test
that might help..

what about the next promotion
the next trophy holiday
the next trophy partner
my ghostly self will ride shotgun
noble in glass
i shall slay my needless spirit i will martyr it
sword my heart to stone
yes i must reprioritise this as my number one goal
after all it might not be such a tough ask
and then i can get busy being my own trophy badass
so much for first world problems
time to do the right thing
for myself and for mine..

just no
and that no means no
i know there is more
and there is more than one way to be selfless and to give
to taste the imperfect balance rare
more than just another friday
more than nursing the instant
more than walking in a desert
proudly taking a selfie in front of an oasis
for digital thumbs to share
no need to walk on water to see
being embittered is not the way to be..

deferred gratification and endurance
self-discovery with heart
anciently some wise beings from a very different world
said that being is its own reward
and millions deemed failed beings being created their great art
i take full responsibility
yesterday like the day before i failed
and i am hopeful that will only be the start..

The DNA Of Living Dust

 

the sun in frosty beams tastes itself as lemon ice
the river riddles harlequins sewing quilted ripples
the pavements kiss their shine on concrete soles
the fallen leaves grind to powder glinting life in cinnamon..

the zebra crossing cleverly camouflages itself from a drunk driver
so that he crashes into a belisha beacon
a shoplifter with his trousers half down all hipster u.s. prisoner
trips and successfully seduces a passing policewoman..

clearly not big on human rights
extraterrestrial lizards abduct a leather-clad pedestrian
then tag their elaborate circles in the corn
then zoom off to harass radar operators and cows near area 51..

the motorway ferries the fireflies the lacuna dots solitary
service stations feed long-life plastic plants half-life plastic sandwiches
a deep-fried lorry driver flips over a frazzled warm blancmange
plain-clothed cctv snack on vacuum-filled rolls mugging customers..

a sweet wrapper in a puddle circles its round earth
a fallen frying pan claps the head of a tired nurse
she gazes out shading the windowpane thinking of iceland
she still has ten minutes to buy frozen chips and ice cubes..

children marvel at angels painting sheep in the disguise of clouds
parents curse the tipping wishing wells blessing their washing
the restaurateur polishes and prays for smudges this evening
in famished dreamy couples plate-painting hope sweeps in..

the light seems elemental and the lime is so different for tourists
the mossy curves rising glint as honey glaze patina
sunset lines crack code on glass spiralling double-helix
the expiring leaves in lowered light pepper the rising dusk..

Landing Through The Rabbit Hole

landing through the rabbit hole
then through another and another
the only way is to keep going
so you want the test
then hallelujah here you go..

landing through the rabbit hole
melt through mountains
roll onto a raindrop
an expanding four dimensional film
spinning inside time and out..

wolves shall howl outside smart golden cities
there everything you do might feel like a dangerous act
the glass bead necklace the immersed everyman
where caves of mercury in slipstream rush into the cavern..

save yourself before you are rewritten
as hateful artists hate beauty in their sausage machine gaze
in truth the defenceless killed live
through the rabbit hole you go
the different stages of the same age
some call kali yuga..

landing through the rabbit hole
your satin drapes your shield
down there free will means contorting headstands
the mockers point to the experts
to the stenographers to themselves
whatever is in the mirror may never reflect on itself
the entertained march through the arches
four more years..

landing through the rabbit hole
a speckled kaleidoscope of black on black night
slam your foot down hard on the accelerator
you will never crash mindless
your journey for light holds light
like the purest love..

The Pitfalls Of Being A Semi-Famous Dead Model

 

scrolling down a so-called news site
a semi-famous model committed suicide
lovers had a very public fight
and although they had a child together
he said some astonishing things about her on twitter
he apologised to his fans for being with her
he apologised to his fans for being with her
and that set the touch paper for the horrifying fall out
and no doubt soon their child will find out
what his father said about his humiliated then late mum on twitter
and how a day after his tweet-termination she was found dead..

join the dots
a great game for bereaved celebrity children of all ages..

the article detailed the sordid tale
coffee-break bite-size
accompanied by a few photos of her semi-naked
i am sure there was a reason for including that
she had that typical pursed-lips look
she was a looker though
most men would not say no..

so another semi-famous model commits suicide
something in her eyes..
i scrolled down to the comments
the best of humanity along for the ride
she deserved it..
she was a whore..
he was a scum bag..
they deserved one another..
why should i feel sorry for them they both had money..
i knew this would happen..
it was karma..
i bet she was good in the sack..
lol..
he was half-black so she deserved it..
she was only a model not a rocket scientist..

not a rocket scientist
unlike the commentators 
who all work on zero-gravity propulsion systems
or healing the sick with psychokinesis
when they are not trolling semi-famous dead models
a highly competitive twenty-first century blood sport
for the truly gifted..

one outlier commenter
questioned a particularly vicious statement
and he was remedied
accused of not believing in freedom of speech
his question not welcome here
he needed to shut up and leave
get with the programmed..

so another semi-famous model commits suicide
and there is nothing more to say
the clickbait commentariat have covered it all
and there is nothing more to say
another snapped carcass thrown onto the pyre
advertisers skim and cash their air-miles
as the keyboard neanderthals neath the drains
feel the vertigo of their flatlining brains
spit and point and laugh at crashing asteroids imploding in flames
everyone wins..

for some strange reason i was thrown back
to a time when nineteen
i was in an office photocopier room
and someone was talking about a staff member
she said he jumped off a building
but not this one
so it is okay
there is no reason to feel sorry for him..
then she added
at least he did not jump off this one
that would have been really selfish..

Love In The Time Of Corona (Part 2 - The Antarctic Variant)

 
looping through the moving stillness of stationed subterrania
the monotone electronic priestess calls the wistful waverers
she owns these leaden canyons sprayed and calls out its vice
mask-blinged the faithless armed only with an oyster
are gently tongue-lashed within the weaving cobra vessels 
wear your mask or face the consequences
only leave your home for essential blah blah..
..imagine hitler..
or something like that..

lucky for me i seem to be on essential blah blah..
and lucky for hitler he died peacefully in south america
surrounded by his loving extended nazi-to-nasa family
aided by highly placed enabling peronists
or so a few historians claim
the architects of operation paperclip must feel betrayed..

the bends in the silence star
for this sci-fi docudrama is noir de noir
i always have my earphones on
so the broadcasted admonitions pillow talk my plugged canals
a benday dot lyric slung transcient over the ambient track
such tender government threats spliced spill over aphex twin
or mogwai
or indian jazz..

so i imagine the lady of the p.a.
as she threatens to fine the non-compliant
slowly erotically
she dances the powdery blue surf
drunk on the amber sun-kissed monsoon rain
amid the perfumed evening full of jasmine candles and irises
she sings
if you are not wearing a mask
or an exemption badge
we may ask you to leave the train..

..so will you marry me
i caught you smiling shyly near the tea stall
the marriage season will soon be over you know
my family have lined up many suiters
my family are quite traditional
so the groom must wear a mask
come dance with me at the all-night disco
no need to ask..
cue interlacing drumnbass sitar solo..

when a child i absolutely hated the bbc show blue peter
how now i wish i had paid more attention
especially when the presenter taught step by step
how to make an exemption badge
from a corona bottle top
an elastic band
a busted hostess trolley wheel
and the inevitable vial of glitter
not forgetting a tube of compressed dead horses for glue
..ask your mum before you borrow her plaster of paris..
..but you do not need her fondue set to make this..
and why not ask your father if you may borrow his knife
his least favourite home-made balaclava
and a safe hammer..

back then 
if you returned the empty corona bottle to the shop
you would receive up to five pence reward
and a neighbour had a dad who delivered corona in his lorry
and he sometimes gave us free corona
and at christmastime
added a little egg nog or cinzano bianco or martini..

i must have been at least eight or nine and around this time
i had fantasies of being a corona delivery driver
if only then i had known corona in the twenty-first century
would be most efficiently delivered by plane
maybe i would have become a pilot
any time any place anywhere..

anciently the corona logo was seven bottles fanned into a crown
because apparently corona is latin for crown
soft drink manufacturers must have studied latin back then i guess
i wonder what is latin for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
i wonder what is latin for
this drink is also good for clearing drains
comprehensive education never taught us such esoteric things..

perhaps i already know but have forgotten
because when younger i drank too much corona
i now suffer from attention deficit.. oh what was i saying..

shaken out of my reverie by a man asking for change
i nod in agreement
change would be great..
confused he asks me again
do you have any change
i look up again
yeah in the next few months
we will have a brand new and more deadly variant
the antarctic variant
those penguins never respect social distance
so we will be asked to wear two female panties on our face
instead of one
that is okay by me i need a new hobby
i must remember to add this hinterland to my linkedin
this unique selling point might give me added value..
oh and we might be asked to take a booster every year
so there 
change..
sorry that is all i have..

he says thank you sir..
and i say no problem
they are all in it together
consoling us that we are all in it together..

the station stops or is it the train
the doors open then close
and a couple enter
they sit directly opposite me
early twenties would be my guess
pilgrims venturing to a secret gathering in a warehouse
covid-secure on whats app
a doorman will stamp its hand
and a remote mark zuckerberg
will dance his glass skin on skin right beside them so tight..

their nineties parents back in their day
might have danced in the same warehouse
they may also have worn masks
for play..

the guy holds a bottle of vodka
or maybe mineral water
he pulls his mask down
then lifts the bottle over to her lips
so she pulls her mask down
she takes an elegant swig
he then takes a gulp
places his mask back on his face
she then kisses his masked lips
before putting her mask back on..

the couple grin at one another then swap masks
and share a laugh
ah true love has beat the rona again
more power to them..
our station stops for our train..

my track changes to the live version of sleepers awake
the platform vocalist is male
stand on the right of the escalator..
..keep your distance..
..for essential journeys only..
who is that unmasked man
who is that masked penguin..

the couple race up the escalator hand in hand
and zig-zag through the long-descended high-viz fog
like mice through a ghost..

 

An Open Letter To An Extraterrestrial

 

if an extraterrestrial allowed me to meet them
on the condition i would ask them only one question
here is what i would say
would you kindly share your philosophy..

this open-ended question
might intrigue them
for inherent within the question is my wish to establish a relatable connection
mind to mind
soul to soul
for truth-seeking and life-affirming empathy is limitless..

i might add
we see you in the sky
and mariners watch your ships rise from and fly down into
the deepest lakes and oceans
our governments lie for they say you do not exist here
and the witnesses who have observed you
are labelled liars or unenlightened or delusional conspiracy theorists
never mind for we know you are up there and down below
and we know you know
so please share your philosophy
some of us are ready to listen so please share
what you believe what you feel what you know
including what you know about us humans
that we might not know..

the other mortal being might say
you probably will not apprehend
and i will reply
this does not matter
it does not matter at all
so please go ahead..

the being comprehending may also understand
and settle my restlessness with the most gracious act of kindness
and share a glimpse into the awe-inspiring
perhaps also frightening and astonishing beyond
their real world might be comprised of the whole universe and strange time and more..

If You Must Self-identity As A Thinking Human Being

 

brigade seventy-seven have entered the uk chat
you better realise that to simply ask a question
now is regarded as a subversive act..

for your question might sow unwarranted doubt 
and the-we cannot tolerate that
if you must self-identify as a thinking human being
we of the seventy-seventh may have to seek you out
gently throw our anonymised weight about
for this untoward form of identarianism is not allowed..

the andy mcnab fanboys in your house
squirm supreme behind your mind
poke inside your ears
their clamped eyes roving want yours tourniqueted
deckchair-droids on tenterhooks for the state
pay your taxes and be gracious
always realise too late
always realise too late..

they have their playbook
they have their ready-made cheat-sheets
complete with flowcharted ready-made quips
their cut-and-paste ad hominems zero-in to splatter
when a red-lined ip address pings it rings them
the plugged-in trapping monks then reel the baited in
to drop in fig leaf batter
because to stupefy enquiring minds matters..

brigade seventy-seven have entered the chat
you better realise that to simply ask a question 
now is regarded as a subversive act..

no doubt the combat-trousered mannequins
have a coffee machine in the foyer
and a break-out lounge where they wind down
consuming teletubby news
thought-paratroopers on the ground tiggering
apocalypse new has its very own ride of the valkyries
fly in low
bomb the cyber sea tree line
duh duh duh duuuh duh...

the pop culture commentariat never call them out
why would they
being merely different means to the same end
for the best form of propaganda is entertainment
wave away the air
then serenade the vacuum again..

this brigade seventy-seven self-identity as..
agents of change
through targeted information and outreach..
plus ca change..

they sport venus fly trap boots on their mice
their honeypot tricks entice the bitten to bite for databases
and if your self-censorship shifts into silent-mode
that works almost as well
swivel your head three-sixty before you utter a thought
then swivel your head three-sixty again and again and..
see if you can spy the camouflaged owl stare
perched so still as your vertigo in a vice falls in..

your lacuna whispers its note to self
i should not be saying this should i..
getting ideas above my station 
maybe there is something wrong with me
yes there is something wrong with me
i better de-platform myself
from all the platforms
and most importantly from all of myself
before i do an injury..
i have no wish to be a targeted individual
i must carefully pick my battles
meantime best to be thoughtless
paint my pupils in shades of pastel
for when i peep out of my tortoiseshell..

brigade seventy-seven have entered the chat
you better realise that to simply ask a question 
now is regarded as a subversive act..

comply and resign to our equilibrium
freedom of thought is a dangerous thing
consider it an extreme sport
to self-identify as a thinking human being..

7 /7-out..

Uber Oumuamua (The Loneliness Of The Social Distance Long Jumper)

 
for if i am stabbed to death by an unmasked man
will i have died needlessly from covid
this gonzo omerta-psychedelia
lubricates the not so novel notion..

ah if only he had taken the vaccine
and had placed a mask on while being stabbed
that selfish soldier would still be alive today
he misunderstood this most peaceful stabbing
he is an ex gen-exer
so of no great loss
he died his way
so let it be written..
and so shall it be written..

star chamber oracles opine
echo chambers comply
pronouncements amplify the ouija variants
trial balloons softly clang
the shorted bet sings noel
the chaos order rides at perihelion..

whereupon coroneted marionets ambit swept
the darned engines glistering carmine
the downy inflection point
the  tinny singularity imperium
the blow-up shepherds synth pad the glissando illusion
eat my sine waves..

immersing immersing the darkly ambient tundra
the estranged
the channelled
the sinking sand synergy
densely populated abandoned cities
stoked checkpoints float on smart skylines
regular fries for the swarming timeline..

omnipresent matt hancock on television
wherever you are there i am
i gaze up to uber oumuamua
for cosmic cow consciousness circling this system
i only pretend to ask for a friend..

matt hancock gently reassures us
things will only get a little worse
it hurts me more than it hurts you
he wishes us to unite or take some blame or something..
bless..

on a tear with the tiers
will an incoming tier six soon tickle us sillier
you must now also social distance from yourself
and then..will that be that..

so gentle viewer here is what to do
breathe in only through your anus
then hold your breath tight until you collapse
and when you are again semi-conscious
jump three metres away from where you were
then welcome in tier seven
this time jump at least three-and-a-quarter metres..
okay that would make sense..

again and again and on and on
become the social distance long jump olympian
be a star at the tokyo games
even though the games will not be..

soon the petrodollar playstation will kamikaze
the wastelands surging
ghost notes for imploding printers
signatures of hardcore background radiation..

the loneliness of the social distance long jumper
vanishing within the vapour trail of kings
once every twenty-four hours
          make sure to replace your anus apparatus
share a drink with your ice cubes
embrace vitamin d-sceptics
buy some shares in fizzy pfizer fauci antiseptic
and never be the wrong kind of denier
the new salem witch trials require
your burning ears induced to gurn for hire
to slay light with fire
slay light with fire..

 

Ghost The Neon Chrysalis

 

fetched up to be flung away she crashed through rolling sky
her cling film credits dissolving on her reeled half-life
she was another wide-eyed contestant on another reality show
and alas she won that
        and then she was ghosted
               and then she became that ghost..

as the golden hour mirage admires its back-glancing monument
as the sharks circle their whirlpools around all that glitters
as the keyboard commandos bite at her ankles and her receding
and as the midnight sun caresses his amber reflection on her tears..

being trapped even momentarily in the neon chrysalis
blinding near its mad mountain zenith of melting quartz
immersed in its memory lava looping slipstreaming
cold nostalgia offers no comfort zone to flee to..

an addition of minuses fall as shooting stars
the astral plain of regret flecks her aether
she must now back-engineer her reinvention
recognise her meaningful life runs outside that framed projection..

she holds her bruised heart open to the elements
alone within the broken dream self-realisation may present its keys
once familiar shores and terrains to discover anew await
her rendezvous with her essence..

The Mystery-Tango Haiku

 

quadrillions to one
the chance of you being born
for more dice to roll..

the fate casino
the loaded dice and free will
the mystery tango..

the ineffable
nature of the paradox
the means to what end..

what of consciousness
metaphysics cannot nail
the worldless language..

our spectrum limits
conceptions follow light
from eyes beyond mind..

roll the dice rolling
game our seeded perceptions
to believe we know..

love and empathy
to start here we may enter
higher truth within..

wordless without frame
like the space between raindrops
arrows of silence..

King Herod's Eco-Aware Saturnalian Haiku

 

eco tourists fly
then drive to green paradise
ego recycling..

eco tourists refreshed
drive then fly back down to earth
walk the s.u.v..

green haik/
fewer syll/bles
less word poll/tion..

wordy hyp/cr/sy
extinction rebellion
syll/ble glutt/ny..

fe/er thoughts formed
e/ua/s fe/er brain cells worn
green mind nice flat lawn..

christmas recycles
unwanted gifts/store returns
wise cash cows ride man..

king herod '20
masked slaves black friday perfumes
lenders smell rosy..

saturnalia
santa claws an anagram
laughs 'neath the chimney..

raised sacrifices
tinsel altars spoke fairies
pagans insulted..

vaccines for christmas
shall my arm wear a green mask
r.n.a.-distance..